Top Ten Sex Jokes

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The Top 9 Sexual Jokes of all time!

#9

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a
woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am,
if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

# 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.

"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blowjob."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

# 7
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an
absolutely gorgeous woman.. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she
is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she
replies,

"This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that
American

Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest
average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

# 6
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on
the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm
sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to
stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he
rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

# 5
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill
indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong,
Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my
penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

# 4
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for
several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just
talking to her.On doing this she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and
suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his
wife.

He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor says this is amazing and is a
real break through. The doctor then suggests the man should go in and try
oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he
doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet
and tells the doctor his wife is
dead. The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies: "She choked."

# 3
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator
up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll
open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will
close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove
my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will
buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped
his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a
beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator
opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a
hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle".



# 2
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge
black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the
small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound
left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints !!

The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping
his face and shaking him
and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?".

The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?".

The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"

# 1
This one made it No.1 in just 1 day !!!!

Q) What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night ?
A) "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

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  504. [page] Time For God
  505. [page] Tips For A Lifetime
  506. [page] Tipsey Fruit Cake Recipe (Alternate)
  507. [page] Tipsy Fruit Cake Recipe
  508. [page] Titanic (the Short Sarcastic Version)
  509. [page] Titanic S Last Mystery Revealed
  510. [page] To My Dear Girlfriend
  511. [page] To Women Everywhere From A Man Who S Had Enough
  512. [page] Tom Swifties
  513. [page] Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created
  514. [page] Top 10 Slogans Rejected By Motel 6
  515. [page] Top 10 Summer Camps You Should Not Send Your Kids To
  516. [page] Top 10 Signs That You Know It S Time To Join E-mailers Anonymous
  517. [page] Top 11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked
  518. [page] Top 12 Pick Up Lines And Comebacks
  519. [page] Top 21 Things Not To Say When Pulled Over
  520. [page] Top 25 Signs That You Have Already Grown Up
  521. [page] Top 33 Sexually Suggestive Lines In Star Wars
  522. [page] Top 36 Seminars For Males
  523. [page] Top 50 Things To Say When You Catch Your Roomate Having Sex
  524. [page] Top Seven Fears Of The Fabric Softener Bear
  525. [page] Top Ten Elf Pick-Up Lines
  526. [page] Top Ten Reasons Trick Or Treating Is Better Than Sex
  527. [page] Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be A Dick
  528. [page] Top Ten Rejected Slogans For Firestone Tires
  529. [page] Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Men And Women
  530. [page] Top Ten Sex Jokes
  531. [page] Top Ten Signs You Re At A Redneck Wedding
  532. [page] Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
  533. [page] Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
  534. [page] Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
  535. [page] Trojan Horse Warning
  536. [page] Trouble In Heaven
  537. [page] True Ending To The Empire Strikes Back
  538. [page] Truisms
  539. [page] Truth About Reindeer
  540. [page] Twas The Month After X-Mas (Dieters Version)
  541. [page] Twas The Night Before X-Mas (Computer Version)
  542. [page] Twas The Week After X-Mas (Y2K Poem)
  543. [page] Twelve Gay Days Of X-Mas
  544. [page] Two Assholes
  545. [page] Two Blonde Jokes
  546. [page] Two Indians And A Polack
  547. [page] Two Italian Men
  548. [page] Two Things To Worry About
  549. [page] Universal Grade Change Form
  550. [page] Urban Legends All In One Letter
  551. [page] Vacuum Salesman
  552. [page] Van Gough S Relatives
  553. [page] Versailles
  554. [page] Veterinarian
  555. [page] Vibrator
  556. [page] Vincentian Vs American
  557. [page] Vulgarity Test
  558. [page] WORK Virus
  559. [page] Ways To Tell You Re Too Drunk
  560. [page] Wedgewood Shooting
  561. [page] Weird Job Interviews
  562. [page] Weird Local Sex Laws
  563. [page] What Day Is Your Birthday?
  564. [page] What Do You Call Your Dick?
  565. [page] What Does Your Name Mean? (Mean Version)
  566. [page] What Guys Names Mean
  567. [page] What Guys And Girls Are Really Saying
  568. [page] What Men Really Mean
  569. [page] What Are Dogs And Cats Really?
  570. [page] What Do You Want In A Woman?
  571. [page] What S Your Screen Name Mean?
  572. [page] When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac
  573. [page] Where Is God?
  574. [page] Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
  575. [page] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
  576. [page] Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
  577. [page] Why Girls Like Guys And Vice Versa
  578. [page] Why God Never Got Tenure
  579. [page] Why I Fired My Secretary
  580. [page] Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus
  581. [page] Why Nagging A Man Doesn T Work
  582. [page] Why We Should Feel Sorry For Tech Support
  583. [page] Wilbur And Martha
  584. [page] Windows 98 Southern Edition
  585. [page] Windows Errors In Haiku
  586. [page] Winter Wonderland Computer Parodies
  587. [page] Wisdom From The Bathroom Walls
  588. [page] Woman S Guide To Male Bashing
  589. [page] Women Rule
  590. [page] Women Are Bright Because
  591. [page] WordPerfect Helpline
  592. [page] Work Phrases
  593. [page] World S Shortest Books
  594. [page] Worms And Alcohol
  595. [page] Worst Analogies
  596. [page] Worst Country Songs
  597. [page] Y0K And Y1K Problems
  598. [page] Yo Mama So Stupid (and Ugly)
  599. [page] You Know You Re Getting Old When
  600. [page] You Know You Re An Idiot When
  601. [page] You Might Be A Yankee If
  602. [page] You Might Be From Lousiville If
  603. [page] You Might Have A Redneck Yard If
  604. [page] You Might Be A Redneck If
  605. [page] You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
  606. [page] You Re Lost In The Generation Gap Between Baby Boomers And Generation X If
  607. [page] Yummy Fingers