101 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

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101 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I
need some tampons!!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those
voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
possible "sex and candy"

52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.

59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and
women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch
everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with
various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare
them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you
and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is
breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you
do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was
another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME
darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto
the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people
out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every
perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another
girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way.
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy
shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.
"hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples
carts when they don't realize it!

70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean
in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front
of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the
perfume!!"

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your
friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those
electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they
don't know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend
that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over
wanting to use it, start barking at them until
they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your
friend.

80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
"Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of
french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say
"Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you
say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from
Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like
everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away
mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl-
like as you can

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.

84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your
"multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should
sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly
good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.

85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms
and legs around like your having some kind of massive
seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to
go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then
quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away
as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while
singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men's department.

91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn
around.

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that
someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over,
start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little
attention" Then run away crying.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just
stay mesmerized.

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in
my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your
hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming
"NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO
NO NO NO!!!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the
eyes, and Calmly say "I...will start...a fire..." The pull out a
zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't
light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a spinkler.

96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I
warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get
my shot gun". Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my
god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him.
Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then
walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get
paid enough to do this"

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

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  358. [page] Performance Evaluations
  359. [page] Personal Ads
  360. [page] Phrases You Will Never Here In A Kentucky Home
  361. [page] Pick-Up Lines
  362. [page] Pillsbury Doughboy - Dead At 71
  363. [page] Pizza Anyone?
  364. [page] Plane Wreck In Cemetary
  365. [page] Plastic Surgery
  366. [page] Polish Virus
  367. [page] Politically Correct Ethnic Jokes
  368. [page] Pope And KFC Joke
  369. [page] Pre-Coital Agreement
  370. [page] Presidential Anagram
  371. [page] Pressed Leaf
  372. [page] Prison Vs School
  373. [page] Professor Sacks
  374. [page] Profound Questions
  375. [page] Psychiatrists Joke
  376. [page] Psychology Research
  377. [page] Public Bathroom Fun
  378. [page] Pumpkin Humper
  379. [page] Pun About Man Killing Wife
  380. [page] Punctuation
  381. [page] Punny Jokes
  382. [page] Punny Names
  383. [page] Railroad Gauge
  384. [page] Raising A Puppy
  385. [page] Random Thoughts
  386. [page] Randy The Rooster
  387. [page] Rape
  388. [page] Real Advertisements
  389. [page] Real Headlines
  390. [page] Real Instructions
  391. [page] Real Resumes
  392. [page] Reason To Take Up Drinking
  393. [page] Reasons For Not Doing Your Math Homework
  394. [page] Recipe For Love
  395. [page] Red Roses
  396. [page] Rejected Dr Suess Books
  397. [page] Rejection Lines
  398. [page] Resignation From Adulthood
  399. [page] Reversal Of The Sexes
  400. [page] Revocation Of Independence
  401. [page] Rocks
  402. [page] Room Service
  403. [page] Roosevelt Life Tips
  404. [page] Rules Of The Air
  405. [page] S H I T Training For Students
  406. [page] Santa Claus Meets The X-Files
  407. [page] Santa Claus Is A Woman
  408. [page] Sassy Things For Boys And Girls To Say
  409. [page] Scary Story
  410. [page] Scary Story With No Ending
  411. [page] Scooby-DOOBIE-Doo
  412. [page] Scream Chain Letter
  413. [page] Seminars For Women (Presented By Men)
  414. [page] Seven Basic Types Of Chain Letters (Alternate)
  415. [page] Seven Deadly Sins Of Gilligan S Island Theory
  416. [page] Sex According To Football
  417. [page] Sex Education
  418. [page] Sex Joke Involving Beard
  419. [page] Sex Jokes
  420. [page] Sex Jokes 3
  421. [page] Sexy Musical Instrument
  422. [page] She Was So Blonde
  423. [page] Shit - A Word Of Many (Ab)Uses
  424. [page] Sign Language
  425. [page] Sign Of The Times
  426. [page] Signs You Had A Bad First Date
  427. [page] Signs You Ve Been In Band Too Long
  428. [page] Signs Your Presidential Candidate Isn T Right
  429. [page] Silly Names
  430. [page] Sith Lord: Position Available Immediately
  431. [page] Six Feet
  432. [page] Six Great Lessons
  433. [page] Six Reasons Tinky Winky Can T Be Gay
  434. [page] Skipping Class Rationalizations
  435. [page] Sleeping With Mom
  436. [page] Smart Blonde
  437. [page] Snow Diary
  438. [page] Social Darwinism
  439. [page] Sotally Tober
  440. [page] Special Diet
  441. [page] Special Diet (Variation)
  442. [page] Stages Of Life
  443. [page] Starfish Parable
  444. [page] State Mottoes
  445. [page] Story Made Up Of 80 S Song Titles
  446. [page] Strange, Stupid And Dumb Laws In Illinois
  447. [page] Strange Facts
  448. [page] Strange Facts 2
  449. [page] Strange Facts 3
  450. [page] Stranger Than Fiction
  451. [page] Stumpy And Martha
  452. [page] Subliminal Messages
  453. [page] Suggestive Question
  454. [page] Supermodel Wisdom
  455. [page] Surrogate Father
  456. [page] Swedish Humor
  457. [page] Take Off My Clothes
  458. [page] Technologically Challenged
  459. [page] Telepathic Watch
  460. [page] Ten Signs You Picked The Wrong ISP
  461. [page] The 80 S
  462. [page] The Balloonist
  463. [page] The Bank Account
  464. [page] The Beer Song
  465. [page] The Best Things About Being A Girl
  466. [page] The Bible In 50 Words
  467. [page] The Birdies
  468. [page] The Doll And A White Rose
  469. [page] The Eighties
  470. [page] The English Language
  471. [page] The Fence
  472. [page] The Finger
  473. [page] The History Of The World AP Style
  474. [page] The Homosexual Agenda
  475. [page] The Ideal Resume
  476. [page] The Last 10 Things A Man And A Woman Would Say
  477. [page] The Living Dead
  478. [page] The Man Who Loved Beans
  479. [page] The Mathematics Of Relationships
  480. [page] The Movies
  481. [page] The New Priest
  482. [page] The Old Lady Bet
  483. [page] The Perfect Joke
  484. [page] The Perfect Worker
  485. [page] The Six Basic Types Of Chain Letters
  486. [page] The South
  487. [page] The Stock Market
  488. [page] The Taco Bell Chihuahua
  489. [page] The Top 14 Special Powers Of The Young Darth Vader
  490. [page] The Ugly Duckling
  491. [page] The World S Thinnest Books
  492. [page] Things Guys Think Girls Should Know
  493. [page] Things I Must Remember - By A Puppy
  494. [page] Things You Don T Want To Hear Over An Airline PA System
  495. [page] Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies
  496. [page] Things That Bother Me
  497. [page] Things To Do At A Boring Movie
  498. [page] Things To Do At The Mall
  499. [page] Things To Say At Thanksgiving
  500. [page] This Year S Freshmen
  501. [page] Three Jokes
  502. [page] Three Strong Mice
  503. [page] Tickle-Me Elmo Factory
  504. [page] Time For God
  505. [page] Tips For A Lifetime
  506. [page] Tipsey Fruit Cake Recipe (Alternate)
  507. [page] Tipsy Fruit Cake Recipe
  508. [page] Titanic (the Short Sarcastic Version)
  509. [page] Titanic S Last Mystery Revealed
  510. [page] To My Dear Girlfriend
  511. [page] To Women Everywhere From A Man Who S Had Enough
  512. [page] Tom Swifties
  513. [page] Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created
  514. [page] Top 10 Slogans Rejected By Motel 6
  515. [page] Top 10 Summer Camps You Should Not Send Your Kids To
  516. [page] Top 10 Signs That You Know It S Time To Join E-mailers Anonymous
  517. [page] Top 11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked
  518. [page] Top 12 Pick Up Lines And Comebacks
  519. [page] Top 21 Things Not To Say When Pulled Over
  520. [page] Top 25 Signs That You Have Already Grown Up
  521. [page] Top 33 Sexually Suggestive Lines In Star Wars
  522. [page] Top 36 Seminars For Males
  523. [page] Top 50 Things To Say When You Catch Your Roomate Having Sex
  524. [page] Top Seven Fears Of The Fabric Softener Bear
  525. [page] Top Ten Elf Pick-Up Lines
  526. [page] Top Ten Reasons Trick Or Treating Is Better Than Sex
  527. [page] Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be A Dick
  528. [page] Top Ten Rejected Slogans For Firestone Tires
  529. [page] Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Men And Women
  530. [page] Top Ten Sex Jokes
  531. [page] Top Ten Signs You Re At A Redneck Wedding
  532. [page] Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
  533. [page] Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
  534. [page] Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
  535. [page] Trojan Horse Warning
  536. [page] Trouble In Heaven
  537. [page] True Ending To The Empire Strikes Back
  538. [page] Truisms
  539. [page] Truth About Reindeer
  540. [page] Twas The Month After X-Mas (Dieters Version)
  541. [page] Twas The Night Before X-Mas (Computer Version)
  542. [page] Twas The Week After X-Mas (Y2K Poem)
  543. [page] Twelve Gay Days Of X-Mas
  544. [page] Two Assholes
  545. [page] Two Blonde Jokes
  546. [page] Two Indians And A Polack
  547. [page] Two Italian Men
  548. [page] Two Things To Worry About
  549. [page] Universal Grade Change Form
  550. [page] Urban Legends All In One Letter
  551. [page] Vacuum Salesman
  552. [page] Van Gough S Relatives
  553. [page] Versailles
  554. [page] Veterinarian
  555. [page] Vibrator
  556. [page] Vincentian Vs American
  557. [page] Vulgarity Test
  558. [page] WORK Virus
  559. [page] Ways To Tell You Re Too Drunk
  560. [page] Wedgewood Shooting
  561. [page] Weird Job Interviews
  562. [page] Weird Local Sex Laws
  563. [page] What Day Is Your Birthday?
  564. [page] What Do You Call Your Dick?
  565. [page] What Does Your Name Mean? (Mean Version)
  566. [page] What Guys Names Mean
  567. [page] What Guys And Girls Are Really Saying
  568. [page] What Men Really Mean
  569. [page] What Are Dogs And Cats Really?
  570. [page] What Do You Want In A Woman?
  571. [page] What S Your Screen Name Mean?
  572. [page] When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac
  573. [page] Where Is God?
  574. [page] Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
  575. [page] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
  576. [page] Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
  577. [page] Why Girls Like Guys And Vice Versa
  578. [page] Why God Never Got Tenure
  579. [page] Why I Fired My Secretary
  580. [page] Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus
  581. [page] Why Nagging A Man Doesn T Work
  582. [page] Why We Should Feel Sorry For Tech Support
  583. [page] Wilbur And Martha
  584. [page] Windows 98 Southern Edition
  585. [page] Windows Errors In Haiku
  586. [page] Winter Wonderland Computer Parodies
  587. [page] Wisdom From The Bathroom Walls
  588. [page] Woman S Guide To Male Bashing
  589. [page] Women Rule
  590. [page] Women Are Bright Because
  591. [page] WordPerfect Helpline
  592. [page] Work Phrases
  593. [page] World S Shortest Books
  594. [page] Worms And Alcohol
  595. [page] Worst Analogies
  596. [page] Worst Country Songs
  597. [page] Y0K And Y1K Problems
  598. [page] Yo Mama So Stupid (and Ugly)
  599. [page] You Know You Re Getting Old When
  600. [page] You Know You Re An Idiot When
  601. [page] You Might Be A Yankee If
  602. [page] You Might Be From Lousiville If
  603. [page] You Might Have A Redneck Yard If
  604. [page] You Might Be A Redneck If
  605. [page] You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
  606. [page] You Re Lost In The Generation Gap Between Baby Boomers And Generation X If
  607. [page] Yummy Fingers