Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school. When he
stepped into one of the classrooms, the young students
were in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he
would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word
Our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a
One little boy stood up and said, "If my best friend, who
lives next door, was playing in the street and a car came
along and ran over him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Clinton, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty
children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that
would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we
would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Clinton searched the room. "Isn't there someone here
who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, in the back of the room, a small boy raised his
hand. In a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One,
carrying Mr. & Mrs. Clinton, was struck by a missile and
blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy!"
"Fantastic," exclaimed Clinton. "That's right! And can you
tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident,
and it certainly would be no great loss!"
Bill Clinton's Valentines
How do I love thee? Let me count the entries in the
White House visitors' log.
If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river
and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a
Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed
would you use?
Thank you, Bill Clinton.
Thank you for allowing us to come to the realization that
"sexual relations" is not clearly defined after all. And all
these years, we all thought that "oral sex" really had
something to do with sex! (Imagine!)
Thank you for reintroducing the concept of
"impeachment" to a new generation who missed the
discussion surrounding it the last time it was brought up.
Thank you for curing me of my addiction to the evening
Thank you for reminding us that, when all is said and
done, character really, really does matter.
And, in comparison to recent days:
Thank you for making Dan Quayle look like the Rhodes
Thank you for making Jimmy Carter look competent.
Thank you for making Gerald Ford look graceful.
Thank you for making Richard Nixon look honest.
Thank you for making Lyndon Johnson look truthful.
Thank you for making John Kennedy look moral.
Thank you for making Al Gore look positively
Thank you for reminding us of the importance of term
So, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Women in Washington DC were asked if they would
have sex with the President.
86% said "Not again."
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were
vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a
venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill
up their car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the
station was once Hillary's high school love.
They exchanged hellos and then the White House
couple went on their way.
As they were driving on to their final destination, Bill put
his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had
stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service
She smirked and replied, "No! If I had stayed with him,
HE would be the President of the United States
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval
Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" yells the President.
"It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to
do about it?" the aide asks.
"Just go ahead and pay it," responds the President.
Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks
down the steps off Air Force One with two pigs under his
arms. At the bottom of the steps, he says to the honor
guardsman, "These are genuine Arkansas Razor-Back
Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary."
The guardsman replies, "Nice trade, Sir."
Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she
was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things
He said he was pleased and that she was in great
shape, but that she was pregnant.
She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that
she most definitely was a month pregnant. Beside
herself, she stormed out of the office and went to the
receptionist, took the phone and called the White House.
When the operator answered she said it was Hillary and
she wanted to talk to Bill right away.
The operator rang the oval office and Bill answered.
Hillary said, "Do you know what you did you rotten
bastard? You got me pregnant!"
The president remained silent.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME
Bill finally answered, "Who is this?"
Bill Clinton has a dream in which he meets George
Washington. He says, "George, tell me what I can do to
make things better for the people."
George Washington replies, "Lower the taxes."
Clinton says, "I can't do that."
The next night he dreams again. This time Thomas
Jefferson is there.
"Thomas Jefferson," Clinton says, "Tell me what I can do
to make things better for the people."
Jefferson replies, "Lower the taxes."
Clinton says, "I can't do that."
The next night he dreams again. This time Abraham
Lincoln is there. "Abraham Lincoln," Clinton asks, "what
can I do to make things better for the people?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."