HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."
Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."
Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face."
Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire."
Christine, age 9
TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'"
Arnold, age 10
"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'"
Larry, age 8
"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'"
Eddie, age 6
"'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm with My Friends.'"
Bob, age 9
"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'"
Will, age 7
"'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo on My Mind.'"
Sharon, age 9
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."
Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
Dick, age 7
CONCERNING THE ORIGINS OF LOVE
"Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'."
Julio, age 9
"One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods. He tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just couldn't get her away from him ... After a while, they became the first married gods."
Robbie, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
Christine, age 9
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
Greg, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age 10
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy, age 8
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark."
Sherm, age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
John, age 9
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs' is on television."
Jill, age 6
"Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, age 9
"Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a tree."
Carey, age 7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
Regina, age 10
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"Sensitivity don't hurt."
Robbie, age 8
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best."
Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there."
Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
Bart, age 9
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
Judy, age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
Tom, age 5
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE??
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Mike, age 10
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."
Jim, age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
Kally, age 9
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!"
Lynette, age 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
Kenny, age 7
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Arguments For Jesus S Ethnicity
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Barbies For Real Life
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Because You Re My Friend
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Before I Came To College I Wish I Had Known
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Christmas Party Memos
Church Bulletin Typos
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Clinton Joke 2
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Country S Strangest Suicide
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Cure For Snoring
CyberSex
Dalai Lama Millennium Message
Darwin Awards 1999
Dead Goldfish
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Dear Dr Laura
Death Warning
Deathbed
Detailed Analysis Of The Spice Girls Wannabe
Differences Between High School And College
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Dispelling Sexual Myths
Dissing Marriage
Diver S Bad Day At Work
Does God Still Speak To Men?
Dog Haiku
Dogs And Computers
Donkey In A Well
Dormitories
Dr Suess Does D C
Driver S Exam Questions
Drunk
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Dysfunctional X-Mas
E-Mail For A Widow
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Ebonics Christmas
Eight Jokes
Election Logic Applied To Baseball
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End-All Virus
Erma Bombeck S If I Had My Life To Live Over
Euphemisms For Your Man
EuroEnglish
Exercise?
FBI Pizza
Farming Pun
Fast And Easy Fruitcake
Feeling Fine
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Female Drivers
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Final Examination
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Fishing
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Five Hundred Dollars
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Forrest In Everyone S Life
Forty-Seven
Fourth Of July
Freezing Hands
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From The Desk Of Martha Stewart
Fuck
Fucking Checking Account
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Game For When We Re Older
Gay Cartoon Characters
Genesis: Take Two
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Getting Old
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God Money
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Guillotine
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Heaven Or Hell?
Hell - Exothermic Or Endothermic?
Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler
Henry Ford And God Compare Notes
Her First Time
Her First Time 2
Hermaphrodite
Hillbilly Love Poem
Hippie And The Bus Driver
Hit Me One More Time Parody
Holding In Her Brains
Holiday Diet Tips
Honk If You Love Jesus
Horoscopes For Southerners
Hospital Room
Hot Tub Tips For Women
How Do I Love Thee - West Indian Style
How Far Does The Computer Date Back?
How Many College Students Does Is Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
How Much Does A Prayer Weigh?
How Old Are You?
How They Do It When It Comes To Sex
How To Impress A Woman Compared To A Man
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
How To Sing The Blues
IRS Fraud Warning
I Am Canadian
I Love You In About Every Language
I Ve Learned
Idiots
If Only Men Would Listen
In Bed
Installing Husband 1 0
Installing Wife 1 0
Integrated Coke
Internet Lingo
Introduction To Chinese
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Jack Handyisms For Tots
Jennifer S Profound Questions Of The Week
Jesus Influenza Story
Jesus Vs Satan
Job Search Lingo
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Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes
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Letter To A West Virginia Mother To Her Daughter
Letters To Landlords
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Life In Reverse
Life In The 1500 S
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Life Is Better Than Being An Egg
Little Johnny, What Element Do You Want?
Little Johnny
Little Mary
Love Goes Around
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Mahatma Ghandi Joke
Managers Vs Engineers
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Masturbation Song
Me Mudder
Meet The Jack Schitt Family
Melbourne Radio Show
Men Are Like
Mexican, Italian And Polish Lunch
Miracle Of A Brother S Song
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall
Motherhood
Muscles To Smile
Music Addiction Test
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Mutually Sadistic English Assignment
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Nuclear War: Tips For Survival
Old Pious Man
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On The Differences Between Men And Women
One Dime
One Liners
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Only In America
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Oops I Did It Again Parody
Overworked
Owed Too A Spell Checker (Alternate)
Parody Of A Chain Letter
Penis Promotion
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Performance Evaluations
Personal Ads
Phrases You Will Never Here In A Kentucky Home
Pick-Up Lines
Pillsbury Doughboy - Dead At 71
Pizza Anyone?
Plane Wreck In Cemetary
Plastic Surgery
Polish Virus
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Pre-Coital Agreement
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Rape
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Recipe For Love
Red Roses
Rejected Dr Suess Books
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S H I T Training For Students
Santa Claus Meets The X-Files
Santa Claus Is A Woman
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Sex According To Football
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Take Off My Clothes
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The Bible In 50 Words
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This Year S Freshmen
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Tipsey Fruit Cake Recipe (Alternate)
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Titanic (the Short Sarcastic Version)
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To My Dear Girlfriend
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You Might Be A Redneck If
You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
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