A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are
killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because
the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved
by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the
slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent
epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol
kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells,
constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link
between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains
why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married,
most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new
graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious
alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they
achieved during their university years.
So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge we
should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that pint!
Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't
deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be
all that you can be!