Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies

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THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -
even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not
be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the
exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere
in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say:
Enter Password Now.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give
him 48 hours to finish the job.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have
lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending
phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked
out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no
lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at that precise moment.

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  527. [page] Top Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be A Dick
  528. [page] Top Ten Rejected Slogans For Firestone Tires
  529. [page] Top Ten Rejection Lines Given By Men And Women
  530. [page] Top Ten Sex Jokes
  531. [page] Top Ten Signs You Re At A Redneck Wedding
  532. [page] Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
  533. [page] Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
  534. [page] Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
  535. [page] Trojan Horse Warning
  536. [page] Trouble In Heaven
  537. [page] True Ending To The Empire Strikes Back
  538. [page] Truisms
  539. [page] Truth About Reindeer
  540. [page] Twas The Month After X-Mas (Dieters Version)
  541. [page] Twas The Night Before X-Mas (Computer Version)
  542. [page] Twas The Week After X-Mas (Y2K Poem)
  543. [page] Twelve Gay Days Of X-Mas
  544. [page] Two Assholes
  545. [page] Two Blonde Jokes
  546. [page] Two Indians And A Polack
  547. [page] Two Italian Men
  548. [page] Two Things To Worry About
  549. [page] Universal Grade Change Form
  550. [page] Urban Legends All In One Letter
  551. [page] Vacuum Salesman
  552. [page] Van Gough S Relatives
  553. [page] Versailles
  554. [page] Veterinarian
  555. [page] Vibrator
  556. [page] Vincentian Vs American
  557. [page] Vulgarity Test
  558. [page] WORK Virus
  559. [page] Ways To Tell You Re Too Drunk
  560. [page] Wedgewood Shooting
  561. [page] Weird Job Interviews
  562. [page] Weird Local Sex Laws
  563. [page] What Day Is Your Birthday?
  564. [page] What Do You Call Your Dick?
  565. [page] What Does Your Name Mean? (Mean Version)
  566. [page] What Guys Names Mean
  567. [page] What Guys And Girls Are Really Saying
  568. [page] What Men Really Mean
  569. [page] What Are Dogs And Cats Really?
  570. [page] What Do You Want In A Woman?
  571. [page] What S Your Screen Name Mean?
  572. [page] When Santa Runs Out Of Prozac
  573. [page] Where Is God?
  574. [page] Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
  575. [page] Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
  576. [page] Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
  577. [page] Why Girls Like Guys And Vice Versa
  578. [page] Why God Never Got Tenure
  579. [page] Why I Fired My Secretary
  580. [page] Why Jesus Is Better Than Santa Claus
  581. [page] Why Nagging A Man Doesn T Work
  582. [page] Why We Should Feel Sorry For Tech Support
  583. [page] Wilbur And Martha
  584. [page] Windows 98 Southern Edition
  585. [page] Windows Errors In Haiku
  586. [page] Winter Wonderland Computer Parodies
  587. [page] Wisdom From The Bathroom Walls
  588. [page] Woman S Guide To Male Bashing
  589. [page] Women Rule
  590. [page] Women Are Bright Because
  591. [page] WordPerfect Helpline
  592. [page] Work Phrases
  593. [page] World S Shortest Books
  594. [page] Worms And Alcohol
  595. [page] Worst Analogies
  596. [page] Worst Country Songs
  597. [page] Y0K And Y1K Problems
  598. [page] Yo Mama So Stupid (and Ugly)
  599. [page] You Know You Re Getting Old When
  600. [page] You Know You Re An Idiot When
  601. [page] You Might Be A Yankee If
  602. [page] You Might Be From Lousiville If
  603. [page] You Might Have A Redneck Yard If
  604. [page] You Might Be A Redneck If
  605. [page] You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If
  606. [page] You Re Lost In The Generation Gap Between Baby Boomers And Generation X If
  607. [page] Yummy Fingers