Here you go: a complete mockery of all the chain letters as we know
them. Read on to see exactly what you've been waiting for, for a long
time.


The four basic types of chain letters:



Chain Letter Type 1:
-------------------



















Make a wish!!!




















Really, go on and make one!!!




















Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!




















Wish something else!!!




















Not that, you pervert!!




















Is your finger (hand) getting tired yet?




















STOP, DAMMIT!!!!



Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a
certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a
mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Becuase, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake
ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes.


Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.

5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.

10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.

20 to 674, 951 1/2 people: 20 to 674, 951 1/2 people will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.



Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!




Chain Letter Type 2
-------------------

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs,no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved,
because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting
letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to
5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3
-------------------

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible becuase there was no email then and probably not as
many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it
works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack
in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a
flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she
smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend(hey,
some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They
continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable
kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this
letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.


Chain Letter Type 4:
-------------------

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
friends.

Friends

-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like shit,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much English,
-no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he
wants his wish of his crush sucking his schlong to come true.


Chain Letter Type 5:
-------------------
Look! It's the Cellestial Magic Box of Sulawontity that has been sent to you!!
_______________________
| |
| * |
| * |
| * |
| * |
| * |
| * |
| * |
| * |
|_______________________|

This shitty piece of ascii art made by my little sister who's in the sixth grade
can bring great things to you when you meditate on it until your eyes
permenantly cross. But only if you send this magic box to 10 of your friends
within the next 24 hours!! If you don't the box will steal your mind and you'll
constantly be forced to write Type 6 Chain letters.


Chain Letter Type 6:
-------------------
Take this great, fun quiz!! Just answer all the questions and then read the
results down below!

1) Your mother's name
2) Your grandfather's name
3) Your sister's name
4) Your dog's name
5) Your favorite fruit
6) Smallest thing you've ever seen
7) Favorite movie
8) Flight of the BumbleBee or Flight of the Valkyries
9) Favorite place to bury dead bodies
10) Highest number you can think of
11) Smallest number you can think of
12) Scariest nightmare involving Satan

Now let's match up your answers and see how you did!!

1) Is the person you have a crush on...
2) Who you'll have to kill cause he's boning her...
3) Is the person you dream of you and your crush having a BDSM 3-way with...
4) Is the person who'll videotape...
5) Is what you'll use to get them off cause...
6) Is how big your willie is...
7) The title you'll give the porno when it comes out...
8) The music the porno will feature when your crush is bouncing around...
9) Where you'll bury their lifeless corpses afterwards...
10) How many people you have to send this to for this to actually happen...
11) In this amount of time...
12) Or this will happen to you.

Wasn't that fun!!




Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!


There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
popularity,send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't
bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two
minutes andforward it. Thanks!