Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't think I should have to answer that question.


AL GORE

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two
different functions of government in a new,
reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.


RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not
reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was
crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.


PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.


RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll
bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with
crossing-the-road syndrome.
Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say
tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from
you to build roads for chickens to cross.


MARTHA STEWART

If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I would
be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could
arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I am a private person and should not
have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common
chickens.


JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to
the "other side. "That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side."


DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!


ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.


MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.


GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.


BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story
of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
lifelong dream of crossing the road.


JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.





ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.


SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.


VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will
defend to the death its right to do it.



RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?


KEN STARR

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the
behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to
distract law enforcemment officials and the American public from the
criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover
up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the
president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine
the rule of law. For that reason, my staff
intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates
fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be
permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and
any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.



CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How
many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?


FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.


BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook---
and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.


EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the
road move beneath the chicken?


BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What
do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?


LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to
trample him and keep him down.


THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said
unto the chicken," Thou shalt cross the road" And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.


COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?



----

Another version:

GEORGE W. BUSH



We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.







AL GORE



I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.







BILL CLINTON



I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?







RALPH NADER



The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.







PAT BUCHANAN



To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.







RUSH LIMBAUGH



I don't know why the chicken crossed the

road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.







MARTHA STEWART



No one called to warn me which way that

chicken was going. I had a standing

order at the farmer's market to sell

my eggs when the price dropped to a

certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.







JERRY FALWELL



Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it

obvious? Can't you people see the plain

truth in front of your face? The chicken

was going to the "other side." That's what

they call it -- the other side. Yes, my

friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you

eat that chicken, you will become gay too.

I say we boycott all chickens until we sort

out this abomination that the liberal media

whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases

like "the other side."







DR. SEUSS



Did the chicken cross the road? Did he

cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken

crossed the road, but why it crossed,

I've not been told!







ERNEST HEMINGWAY



To die. In the rain. Alone.







MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.



I envision a world where all chickens will

be free to cross roads without having their

motives called into question.







GRANDPA



In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken

crossed the road. Someone told us that

the chicken crossed the road, and that

was good enough for us.





BARBARA WALTERS



Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.





JOHN LENNON



Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in

peace.







ARISTOTLE



It is the nature of chickens to cross the

road.







KARL MARX



It was a historical inevitability.







SADDAM HUSSEIN



This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.







RONALD REAGAN



What chicken?







CAPTAIN KIRK



To boldly go where no chicken has gone

before.







FOX MULDER



You saw it cross the road with your own

eyes! How many more chickens have to

cross before you believe it?





SIGMUND FREUD



The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.





BILL GATES



I have just released eChicken 2003, which

will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.







ALBERT EINSTEIN



Did the chicken really cross the road or

did the road move beneath the chicken?







JOHNNY COCHRAN



Because the road was black and the chicken

was white. We must acquit.







THE BIBLE



And God came down from the heavens, and He

said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross

the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.







COLONEL SANDERS



I missed one?