Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun
And the whole clan gathers round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song
Now you're one year older!
Your life still isn't over!
You did not accomplish much
But you didn't die this year
I guess that's good enough
So let's drink to your fading health
And hope you don't remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you're doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer
What have you done that matters?
You're starting to get fatter
It's downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone
If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn't ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might
You wish you had more money
Your life's so sad it's funny
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry
So just cut the stupid cake
Happy birthday, dear...
(random calling out of names, including Ralph, Bill, Ralph Kramden,
Skippy, the bush kangaroo, and the b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-bu- that leads into
Note from Shearon:
> I like the words to your birthday song. Do you have the name of a tune that it can be sung to?
Most of the stanzas seem to fit to the tune of "Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush," but
the ones that start with "Happy Birthday" don't work as well with that particular tune.