1. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as ifyou have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing,spewing othpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to youractions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as faraway from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shoutout things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If yourprofessor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can'tbecause you're scouting the room for assassins."
3. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, andbring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wearyour pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and theblankets and act like you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about twominutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit the"snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the duration ofthe class.
4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try toget him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a bigliar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying,"Stop writing down all these lies!"
5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on abicycle, yell, "Look out!", and crash into the blackboard. Get up, takea seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.
6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks,papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, nomatter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of theroom in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.
7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to takeattendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway throughclass, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!"Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.
8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair.Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Pleasekill me!" Get up during class, like your going to miraculously startwalking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone tohelp you back up. When class is over, say, "I feel better now," leap up,and run home.
9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes intoclass, release the hornets, scream, and run away.
10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and startusing it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't standsitting in this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.
11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and whenyou're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look atthe cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a fewmoments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once aday, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time,sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." Whenyou leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can'tbelieve you embarrassed me AGAIN...."
12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects,explain that drinking games make the class more interesting.