10 Things That Piss Me Off

10 Things That Piss Me Off:

1. People who point at their wrist while
asking for the time. I know where my watch is,
buddy...where the hell is yours? Do I point at
my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

2. People in the supermarket check out line
who wait until their entire bill is rung up
before they begin writing their check.
Hello...is the store name going to change,
or the date, or your signature before the
clerk finishes? Get a clue!

3. People who are willing to get off their
ass to search the entire room for the damn TV
remote because they refuse to walk to the TV
and change it manually!

4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to
have your cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!!
What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't
eat it? What should I do...eat someone else's
piece of cake instead.

5. When people say..."It's always the last
place you look." No shit!! Why the hell would
you keep looking for it after you've already
found it?? Do people do this?? Who and where
are they??

6. When people say, while watching a movie
.."Did you see that?" No, dumb ass, I paid
$7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the
ceiling up there. What did you come here for??.

7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did
ya buddy?

8. When something is "New & Improved," Which
is it? If it's new, there has never been anything
before it. If it's an improvement then there must
have been something before it!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks
if you know how fast you were going. "You should
know, asshole. You're the one that pulled me
over!"

Here's the 10TH thing that really bugs
me....

10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that
by annoying other people with stupid mail with
no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or
make your long-lost love fall into your arms.
Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid
chain letter that the computer gods are going to
curse me!! What a crock of shit!!!

By the way, if you send this to 10
people, shit won't happen, and that person you're
in love with won't come crawling to you...so if
you feel this is funny, go on and send it to some
one else, but don't expect one damn thing in return!

User Comments

ok this is the fricken funnies thing ive ever read. i laughed my ass
off for like 2 minutes

Joe on October 12, 2005 at 05:30

ho ho ho ...ha ha ha...this joke is shit

gibson on October 17, 2005 at 04:04

funny shit very true u should write some more

bec on November 01, 2005 at 04:04

this is truly humorous and insightful. ho ho ho ho ho ho ho...i luv
it!

maite on November 09, 2005 at 02:09

ya.. those same things piss me off so much too

vik on November 12, 2005 at 06:19

SO TRUE!!!!!1111

Anti-everyone on November 21, 2005 at 06:01

haha! that was funny!

kitcat on November 23, 2005 at 10:39

WOWOWWOW THAT WAS HILLARIOUS OMG I AM STILL LAUGHING WHOECER WROTE
THAT THUMBS UP 4 U

RENU on December 04, 2005 at 09:59

o boy thts a laff i lovin ma job wazeem approved too

elmo on December 09, 2005 at 04:11

this is great shit i lmao the whole time that i was reading it

carly on December 11, 2005 at 06:14

i loved dis its mad funny if u don like it u dont no
wats funny do u

judith on December 13, 2005 at 06:57

thats dead hilarious im lafin so hard

stephen on December 18, 2005 at 07:45

Carly, you are a worthless piece of shit.

CarlyIsAnIdiot on January 08, 2006 at 03:01

I would say good job but, I do those things so... WHAT EVER!!!!

Megan on January 12, 2006 at 09:24

THis is soo hilarous!!!! Who-ever wrote this should det a MILLION
DOLLARS!!!!! OMG!!!

Ass-wipe 4 u!!!! on January 30, 2006 at 02:38

nice, using george carlin, of course, not all of it is him but most
is.

kevin on February 11, 2006 at 05:58

typw "piss me off into google" and the exact same thing is one the
first link. not funny

dan on February 12, 2006 at 09:38

Come up with your own material toolbag. The 1st one is an old George
Carlin sketch, jerk.

Joke Police on March 24, 2006 at 10:44

dat bord thought ad read it........LOVE IT!!!!

random on March 25, 2006 at 06:55

I hate idiots at the theatre, are they blind or somthing.

russel on March 30, 2006 at 05:58

I hate idiots at the theatre, are they blind or somthing.

russel on March 30, 2006 at 05:59

you are all crazy read the lies before its too late

faceman on March 30, 2006 at 06:00

i have a willy for a face you will be eaten alive by keyboard face
mans pet dog

tony sales on March 30, 2006 at 06:03

I like to eat french cheese with banana egg shakes

David budge on March 30, 2006 at 06:07

I bite ankles

Ashley Biginn on March 30, 2006 at 06:08

I like burgers

Mark grey on March 30, 2006 at 06:09

iam a big idiot

mark gray on March 30, 2006 at 06:10

everyone on this website are idiots

cripple man on March 30, 2006 at 06:12

I am going to eat the great wall of China for a snack

Bradly North on March 30, 2006 at 06:13

Even i dont eat that much!!!!

largest man in the world on March 30, 2006 at 06:16

Please reply to any of bottom four comments NOW
Pleassssssssssssse!!!!!!!!!!!

me on March 30, 2006 at 06:18

im a stupid fat slag with stretched marks and a fat arse

Miss Hatton on March 31, 2006 at 05:05

im a stupid fat slag with stretched marks and a fat arse

Miss Hatton on March 31, 2006 at 05:06

im a stupid, idiotic halfer that, when i was younger, fell into a can
of purple paint. thats me the halfer!!

Mr Johnson on March 31, 2006 at 05:09

this is funny !lolz and its soooooo dan true!

taly-d on September 26, 2006 at 03:28

I hate it when tits like this guy bitch about the ten things that
pisses them off most.Stupid joke

Adam on October 03, 2006 at 01:13

LOL I agree

Zoe on October 18, 2006 at 07:40

i love it when guys like this bitch about the ten things that piss
them off!!!

supersize me on October 31, 2006 at 01:46

Fuck me in the ass with no lubricant that was the funniest thing ive
seen since i was 5 thanx for that

Stiff nipples on November 19, 2006 at 05:06

yes......i thought that the vibrating sex muffin was weird.. O_o...
hmmmmm, yes.... interesting choice of worlds my dear stiff nipples..
mwahahahahaha i know your secrets..

Fulu on November 19, 2006 at 05:09

WELL MOST OF IT IS TRUE I GTE PISSED OFF WITH CHAIN LETTERS THEN ONCE
I HAVE SENT IT TO LOADS OF PEOPLE I THINK . - WHAT A LOAD OF SHITE !
SO TO ALL THE BITCHY GIRLS AND ASSHOLIC BOYS YOU CAN ALL STICK UP YOUR
ARSES ! COZ IM PISSED OFF ~!~

??? on November 30, 2006 at 09:54

Number 11 for things that piss me off would be. Links that when
clicked are PDF files. Looks like the webmaster would at least warn
you that the link is a pDF file.... GRRRRRR Gary

Gary on December 05, 2006 at 06:25

You umm maybe took this from adam sandler????? not cool

cory on December 06, 2006 at 12:00

this one is fuckin funny....i couldn't stop laughing....

susan on December 06, 2006 at 06:03

fuck you piss me off

The devil on December 11, 2006 at 12:11

funny ant funning without an asshole to share it with

your mom on December 11, 2006 at 12:12

Wowzers!!

Warren on December 12, 2006 at 04:01

That was so fucking funny...i read it 2 times and im still laughing...

Sexy girl on December 12, 2006 at 01:07

Lol.Those a really funny.^_^

Hikaru chan on December 31, 2006 at 08:15

hahah these are funny but ive read them on other sites ....try some
new ones!

Dixon on January 06, 2007 at 04:09

10 Things That Piss Me Off: 1. People who point at their wrist
while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy...where
the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the
bathroom is?? Useing hand gestures is a sign of intelligence, clearly
you have none.. 2. People in the supermarket check out line who
wait until their entire bill is rung up before they begin writing
their check. Hello...is the store name going to change, or the date,
or your signature before the clerk finishes? Get a clue! Well your a
fucking idiot, why would they do it, 85% of the check has to do with
the amount its being written for 3. People who are willing to get
off their ass to search the entire room for the damn TV remote
because they refuse to walk to the TV and change it manually! 21st
century numb nuts, we have digital cable, we need the remote to change
it dumbshit 4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to have your
cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!! What good is a damn piece of
cake if you can't eat it? What should I do...eat someone
else's piece of cake instead. Its a figure of speach for assholes
who are selfish to..point proven.. 5. When people say..."It's
always the last place you look." No shit!! Why the hell would you
keep looking for it after you've already found it?? Do people do
this?? Who and where are they?? Cause your gonna do something? Its
last place you'LL look, yea your an idiot 6. When people say, while
watching a movie .."Did you see that?" No, dumb ass, I paid $7.50 to
come to a theater and stare at the ceiling up there. What did you
come here for??. So now conversations are a no-no to? 7. People
who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice
there, did ya buddy? conversation starter, way to be a dick 8.
When something is "New & Improved," Which is it? If it's new, there
has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement then there
must have been something before it! Its new because nothings like
it, and its improved because its from a previous invention. Most
inventions these days are..your IQ is getting lower and lower as the
list continues.. 9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you
know how fast you were going. "You should know, asshole. You're the
one that pulled me over!" If you dont know that you need to know how
fast your going, you shouldnt be breathing my air Here's the 10TH
thing that really bugs me.... 10. Chain letters! Who the hell
thinks that by annoying other people with stupid mail with no
meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or make your long-lost love
fall into your arms. Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a
stupid chain letter that the computer gods are going to curse me!!
What a crock of shit!!! HAHAHAH YOUR A FUCKING MORON By the way, if
you send this to 10 people, shit won't happen, and that person
you're in love with won't come crawling to you...so if you feel this
is funny, go on and send it to some one else, but don't expect one
damn thing in return!

Zack on January 23, 2007 at 06:48

lol

hi on February 15, 2007 at 07:02

The thing I hate most in the world and what I think makes people hate
america so much is when they intro your pres as the leader of the free
world

mary on February 25, 2007 at 07:09

I agree with that mary in fact in oz people are starting to wear
tshits with "i'm scared of americans "on

jez on February 25, 2007 at 07:13

This a good way to limit your stress levels when you read these I
LMFAO so hard and I felt much better about things in my work place
there after.

Katherine on February 25, 2007 at 11:32

That wasnt that funny....i mean it was chuckleworthy the first time I
read it, but this is the 100th times I've seen it on a random site or
e-mail

Name on March 11, 2007 at 04:13

you fucking poser this is going around everywhere this guy did not
write this this guy is a fuckinb biting little copier who has no life
fuck you bitch

Mike on March 22, 2007 at 06:13

LMAO!! This is soo funny!

Carol on April 13, 2007 at 05:47

ok zach you cock suker no one cares and that is funny ass junk right
there i dont kare where you live

tyler on April 19, 2007 at 08:47

this are so freaken funny how do you copy and paste them because i
want to hang them on my wall in my room whoever wrote this is a
fucking
jeanus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

savannah on April 25, 2007 at 04:24

visit www.funnyjunk.com for more of the same

brit boy on May 05, 2007 at 03:31

hahahha this shit is so true :]

rebecca imperfection on May 22, 2007 at 01:30

the pilsberry doughboy is way to happy considering he has no dick

anonymous on June 16, 2007 at 09:13

Mary America is the leader of the free world

Jerry on July 21, 2007 at 02:11

Zach I was really interested in what you had to say but I couldn't
distinguish your text from the copy/paste text. So please post comment
in this form: 1:..... 2:...

Paunescu on August 15, 2007 at 11:39

ROFL

Funny_Potato on August 31, 2007 at 05:00

every1 who commented on this r idiots but the pissing off things off u
dildos

loser on September 08, 2007 at 03:45

Your list says a lot about you. Here's some clues. 1: hey dumb ass,
people point at their wrist so there is less chance of a
mis-understanding due to perhaps subway noise, busy street traffic, a
language barrier... it usually prevents the initial response of "huh?"
or "what" from the person being asked. And yes, I've seen children
point at their crotch when they needed to use the bathroom. 2: Not
a bad point, but how about getting to the root of the problem and get
pissed that they are using the most obsolete form of currency known to
man in the first place...aside from the penny that is. 3: The
person that searches for the remote is obviously thinking ahead. Who
knows, maybe they actually want to change the channel more than
once... and in a TV world of 1000's of channels, only the moron like
yourself would get up, change the channel, and sit back down without
first obtaining the remote for future use. 4: It's an expression
that means you can't have everything, but judging by your rant, if
they told you that, you'd probably get pissed and throw your
cake. 5: Another tongue in cheek expression that has obviously
eluded you. Yes, the item is always in the last place you look, but it
is usually the case to not find the item in the first (or second..)
place you look, which is why the expression still makes sense,
regardless of your ignorance. 6: It's unlikely you know what they
were referring to, so maybe someone dropped a $100 bill while walking
down the aisle. Just because YOU are looking at something, doesn't
mean everyone else is completely oblivious to the world around
them. 7: It is sometimes polite to first ask if questions will be
entertained. Yes, it is a question, however, the response will dictate
if more questions can then be asked. It's similar to raising your hand
in a classroom, which apparently is something else that has eluded you
to some degree. 8: I suppose every time you buy a NEW car, it is
the first car ever to exist on the planet? No jackass, "NEW" means
just that... not used. So it is possible for something to be "NEW", as
well as "IMPROVED" from last version that is now used, old or
obsolete. 9: The real asshole here is the one speeding in the
first place and then getting pissed that he got caught. 10: The
content of a chain letter is for people like you to read and get
annoyed about, because while you are getting all bent out of shape
about it, your email address and all those hundreds of others listed
in the header have just been verified as "valid" (the second you
opened the email), and have probably already been sold to spammer by
the time you finish writing your stupid top ten list. Once again,
you've been completely played.

You're and Idiot on September 26, 2007 at 09:37

It's a fucking joke, asshole. If you're all about reality, stop
reading jokes. Here's something that pisses ME off- smart asses with
nothing better to do than trying to ruin things for others. Why don't
you just haul your buzz-kill ass to CHURCH. You'll find more of YOUR
kind there and can spend all day everyday joyfully pointing out the
mistakes of others. Hell, maybe you can start your own cult.

Anissa on October 30, 2007 at 08:49

That was very funny.. I am impressed.. Its all very true. But some
people think way to unto this .. But im very pleased.. Well done..

Mara on November 15, 2007 at 11:38

You know what pisses me off? When you rip off sites. That there
"Funny" list is taken from Funnyjunk.com They had it first, and they
had pictures. Stop coping you good for nothing loser, and actually try
to make a good one-liner.

.... on December 18, 2007 at 07:07

funny stuff..

LoL<33 on December 29, 2007 at 02:54

you know what really pisses me off text messageing why would you text
message someone when you can just pick up the phone and call them

victoria on December 30, 2007 at 07:10

pie is funny

pie on January 13, 2008 at 05:59

I got chainmails of that! We died laughing. HAHA. Oh I'm still doing
it.

Tamzin's Ghost on January 28, 2008 at 03:40

Wow, I just read all those comments... some of you are so nice.

Tamzin's Ghost on January 28, 2008 at 03:49

omg do u wanna no wat pisses me off... the topic learn chinese in 5
minutes i mean u fuckin ppl y the fuck r u so racist