10 Things That Piss Me Off

10 Things That Piss Me Off

10 Things That Piss Me Off:

1. People who point at their wrist while
asking for the time. I know where my watch is,
buddy...where the hell is yours? Do I point at
my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

2. People in the supermarket check out line
who wait until their entire bill is rung up
before they begin writing their check.
Hello...is the store name going to change,
or the date, or your signature before the
clerk finishes? Get a clue!

3. People who are willing to get off their
ass to search the entire room for the damn TV
remote because they refuse to walk to the TV
and change it manually!

4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to
have your cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!!
What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't
eat it? What should I do...eat someone else's
piece of cake instead.

5. When people say..."It's always the last
place you look." No shit!! Why the hell would
you keep looking for it after you've already
found it?? Do people do this?? Who and where
are they??

6. When people say, while watching a movie
.."Did you see that?" No, dumb ass, I paid
$7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the
ceiling up there. What did you come here for??.

7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did
ya buddy?

8. When something is "New & Improved," Which
is it? If it's new, there has never been anything
before it. If it's an improvement then there must
have been something before it!

9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks
if you know how fast you were going. "You should
know, asshole. You're the one that pulled me
over!"

Here's the 10TH thing that really bugs
me....

10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that
by annoying other people with stupid mail with
no meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or
make your long-lost love fall into your arms.
Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid
chain letter that the computer gods are going to
curse me!! What a crock of shit!!!

By the way, if you send this to 10
people, shit won't happen, and that person you're
in love with won't come crawling to you...so if
you feel this is funny, go on and send it to some
one else, but don't expect one damn thing in return!

User Comments

ok this is the fricken funnies thing ive ever read. i laughed my ass
off for like 2 minutes

Joe on October 12, 2005 at 05:30

ho ho ho ...ha ha ha...this joke is shit

gibson on October 17, 2005 at 04:04

funny shit very true u should write some more

bec on November 01, 2005 at 04:04

this is truly humorous and insightful. ho ho ho ho ho ho ho...i luv
it!

maite on November 09, 2005 at 02:09

ya.. those same things piss me off so much too

vik on November 12, 2005 at 06:19

SO TRUE!!!!!1111

Anti-everyone on November 21, 2005 at 06:01

haha! that was funny!

kitcat on November 23, 2005 at 10:39

WOWOWWOW THAT WAS HILLARIOUS OMG I AM STILL LAUGHING WHOECER WROTE
THAT THUMBS UP 4 U

RENU on December 04, 2005 at 09:59

o boy thts a laff i lovin ma job wazeem approved too

elmo on December 09, 2005 at 04:11

this is great shit i lmao the whole time that i was reading it

carly on December 11, 2005 at 06:14

i loved dis its mad funny if u don like it u dont no
wats funny do u

judith on December 13, 2005 at 06:57

thats dead hilarious im lafin so hard

stephen on December 18, 2005 at 07:45

Carly, you are a worthless piece of shit.

CarlyIsAnIdiot on January 08, 2006 at 03:01

I would say good job but, I do those things so... WHAT EVER!!!!

Megan on January 12, 2006 at 09:24

THis is soo hilarous!!!! Who-ever wrote this should det a MILLION
DOLLARS!!!!! OMG!!!

Ass-wipe 4 u!!!! on January 30, 2006 at 02:38

nice, using george carlin, of course, not all of it is him but most
is.

kevin on February 11, 2006 at 05:58

typw "piss me off into google" and the exact same thing is one the
first link. not funny

dan on February 12, 2006 at 09:38

Come up with your own material toolbag. The 1st one is an old George
Carlin sketch, jerk.

Joke Police on March 24, 2006 at 10:44

dat bord thought ad read it........LOVE IT!!!!

random on March 25, 2006 at 06:55

I hate idiots at the theatre, are they blind or somthing.

russel on March 30, 2006 at 05:58

I hate idiots at the theatre, are they blind or somthing.

russel on March 30, 2006 at 05:59

you are all crazy read the lies before its too late

faceman on March 30, 2006 at 06:00

i have a willy for a face you will be eaten alive by keyboard face
mans pet dog

tony sales on March 30, 2006 at 06:03

I like to eat french cheese with banana egg shakes

David budge on March 30, 2006 at 06:07

I bite ankles

Ashley Biginn on March 30, 2006 at 06:08

I like burgers

Mark grey on March 30, 2006 at 06:09

iam a big idiot

mark gray on March 30, 2006 at 06:10

everyone on this website are idiots

cripple man on March 30, 2006 at 06:12

I am going to eat the great wall of China for a snack

Bradly North on March 30, 2006 at 06:13

Even i dont eat that much!!!!

largest man in the world on March 30, 2006 at 06:16

Please reply to any of bottom four comments NOW
Pleassssssssssssse!!!!!!!!!!!

me on March 30, 2006 at 06:18

im a stupid fat slag with stretched marks and a fat arse

Miss Hatton on March 31, 2006 at 05:05

im a stupid fat slag with stretched marks and a fat arse

Miss Hatton on March 31, 2006 at 05:06

im a stupid, idiotic halfer that, when i was younger, fell into a can
of purple paint. thats me the halfer!!

Mr Johnson on March 31, 2006 at 05:09

this is funny !lolz and its soooooo dan true!

taly-d on September 26, 2006 at 03:28

I hate it when tits like this guy bitch about the ten things that
pisses them off most.Stupid joke

Adam on October 03, 2006 at 01:13

LOL I agree

Zoe on October 18, 2006 at 07:40

i love it when guys like this bitch about the ten things that piss
them off!!!

supersize me on October 31, 2006 at 01:46

Fuck me in the ass with no lubricant that was the funniest thing ive
seen since i was 5 thanx for that

Stiff nipples on November 19, 2006 at 05:06

yes......i thought that the vibrating sex muffin was weird.. O_o...
hmmmmm, yes.... interesting choice of worlds my dear stiff nipples..
mwahahahahaha i know your secrets..

Fulu on November 19, 2006 at 05:09

WELL MOST OF IT IS TRUE I GTE PISSED OFF WITH CHAIN LETTERS THEN ONCE
I HAVE SENT IT TO LOADS OF PEOPLE I THINK . - WHAT A LOAD OF SHITE !
SO TO ALL THE BITCHY GIRLS AND ASSHOLIC BOYS YOU CAN ALL STICK UP YOUR
ARSES ! COZ IM PISSED OFF ~!~

??? on November 30, 2006 at 09:54

Number 11 for things that piss me off would be. Links that when
clicked are PDF files. Looks like the webmaster would at least warn
you that the link is a pDF file.... GRRRRRR Gary

Gary on December 05, 2006 at 06:25

You umm maybe took this from adam sandler????? not cool

cory on December 06, 2006 at 12:00

this one is fuckin funny....i couldn't stop laughing....

susan on December 06, 2006 at 06:03

fuck you piss me off

The devil on December 11, 2006 at 12:11

funny ant funning without an asshole to share it with

your mom on December 11, 2006 at 12:12

Wowzers!!

Warren on December 12, 2006 at 04:01

That was so fucking funny...i read it 2 times and im still laughing...

Sexy girl on December 12, 2006 at 01:07

Lol.Those a really funny.^_^

Hikaru chan on December 31, 2006 at 08:15

hahah these are funny but ive read them on other sites ....try some
new ones!

Dixon on January 06, 2007 at 04:09

10 Things That Piss Me Off: 1. People who point at their wrist
while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy...where
the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the
bathroom is?? Useing hand gestures is a sign of intelligence, clearly
you have none.. 2. People in the supermarket check out line who
wait until their entire bill is rung up before they begin writing
their check. Hello...is the store name going to change, or the date,
or your signature before the clerk finishes? Get a clue! Well your a
fucking idiot, why would they do it, 85% of the check has to do with
the amount its being written for 3. People who are willing to get
off their ass to search the entire room for the damn TV remote
because they refuse to walk to the TV and change it manually! 21st
century numb nuts, we have digital cable, we need the remote to change
it dumbshit 4. When people say..."Oh, you just want to have your
cake and eat it, too." Screw that!!! What good is a damn piece of
cake if you can't eat it? What should I do...eat someone
else's piece of cake instead. Its a figure of speach for assholes
who are selfish to..point proven.. 5. When people say..."It's
always the last place you look." No shit!! Why the hell would you
keep looking for it after you've already found it?? Do people do
this?? Who and where are they?? Cause your gonna do something? Its
last place you'LL look, yea your an idiot 6. When people say, while
watching a movie .."Did you see that?" No, dumb ass, I paid $7.50 to
come to a theater and stare at the ceiling up there. What did you
come here for??. So now conversations are a no-no to? 7. People
who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice
there, did ya buddy? conversation starter, way to be a dick 8.
When something is "New & Improved," Which is it? If it's new, there
has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement then there
must have been something before it! Its new because nothings like
it, and its improved because its from a previous invention. Most
inventions these days are..your IQ is getting lower and lower as the
list continues.. 9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you
know how fast you were going. "You should know, asshole. You're the
one that pulled me over!" If you dont know that you need to know how
fast your going, you shouldnt be breathing my air Here's the 10TH
thing that really bugs me.... 10. Chain letters! Who the hell
thinks that by annoying other people with stupid mail with no
meaning, that they will grant you a wish, or make your long-lost love
fall into your arms. Bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a
stupid chain letter that the computer gods are going to curse me!!
What a crock of shit!!! HAHAHAH YOUR A FUCKING MORON By the way, if
you send this to 10 people, shit won't happen, and that person
you're in love with won't come crawling to you...so if you feel this
is funny, go on and send it to some one else, but don't expect one
damn thing in return!

Zack on January 23, 2007 at 06:48

lol

hi on February 15, 2007 at 07:02

The thing I hate most in the world and what I think makes people hate
america so much is when they intro your pres as the leader of the free
world

mary on February 25, 2007 at 07:09

I agree with that mary in fact in oz people are starting to wear
tshits with "i'm scared of americans "on

jez on February 25, 2007 at 07:13

This a good way to limit your stress levels when you read these I
LMFAO so hard and I felt much better about things in my work place
there after.

Katherine on February 25, 2007 at 11:32

That wasnt that funny....i mean it was chuckleworthy the first time I
read it, but this is the 100th times I've seen it on a random site or
e-mail

Name on March 11, 2007 at 04:13

you fucking poser this is going around everywhere this guy did not
write this this guy is a fuckinb biting little copier who has no life
fuck you bitch

Mike on March 22, 2007 at 06:13

LMAO!! This is soo funny!

Carol on April 13, 2007 at 05:47

ok zach you cock suker no one cares and that is funny ass junk right
there i dont kare where you live

tyler on April 19, 2007 at 08:47

this are so freaken funny how do you copy and paste them because i
want to hang them on my wall in my room whoever wrote this is a
fucking
jeanus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

savannah on April 25, 2007 at 04:24

visit www.funnyjunk.com for more of the same

brit boy on May 05, 2007 at 03:31

hahahha this shit is so true :]

rebecca imperfection on May 22, 2007 at 01:30

the pilsberry doughboy is way to happy considering he has no dick

anonymous on June 16, 2007 at 09:13

Mary America is the leader of the free world

Jerry on July 21, 2007 at 02:11

Zach I was really interested in what you had to say but I couldn't
distinguish your text from the copy/paste text. So please post comment
in this form: 1:..... 2:...

Paunescu on August 15, 2007 at 11:39

ROFL

Funny_Potato on August 31, 2007 at 05:00

every1 who commented on this r idiots but the pissing off things off u
dildos

loser on September 08, 2007 at 03:45

Your list says a lot about you. Here's some clues. 1: hey dumb ass,
people point at their wrist so there is less chance of a
mis-understanding due to perhaps subway noise, busy street traffic, a
language barrier... it usually prevents the initial response of "huh?"
or "what" from the person being asked. And yes, I've seen children
point at their crotch when they needed to use the bathroom. 2: Not
a bad point, but how about getting to the root of the problem and get
pissed that they are using the most obsolete form of currency known to
man in the first place...aside from the penny that is. 3: The
person that searches for the remote is obviously thinking ahead. Who
knows, maybe they actually want to change the channel more than
once... and in a TV world of 1000's of channels, only the moron like
yourself would get up, change the channel, and sit back down without
first obtaining the remote for future use. 4: It's an expression
that means you can't have everything, but judging by your rant, if
they told you that, you'd probably get pissed and throw your
cake. 5: Another tongue in cheek expression that has obviously
eluded you. Yes, the item is always in the last place you look, but it
is usually the case to not find the item in the first (or second..)
place you look, which is why the expression still makes sense,
regardless of your ignorance. 6: It's unlikely you know what they
were referring to, so maybe someone dropped a $100 bill while walking
down the aisle. Just because YOU are looking at something, doesn't
mean everyone else is completely oblivious to the world around
them. 7: It is sometimes polite to first ask if questions will be
entertained. Yes, it is a question, however, the response will dictate
if more questions can then be asked. It's similar to raising your hand
in a classroom, which apparently is something else that has eluded you
to some degree. 8: I suppose every time you buy a NEW car, it is
the first car ever to exist on the planet? No jackass, "NEW" means
just that... not used. So it is possible for something to be "NEW", as
well as "IMPROVED" from last version that is now used, old or
obsolete. 9: The real asshole here is the one speeding in the
first place and then getting pissed that he got caught. 10: The
content of a chain letter is for people like you to read and get
annoyed about, because while you are getting all bent out of shape
about it, your email address and all those hundreds of others listed
in the header have just been verified as "valid" (the second you
opened the email), and have probably already been sold to spammer by
the time you finish writing your stupid top ten list. Once again,
you've been completely played.

You're and Idiot on September 26, 2007 at 09:37

It's a fucking joke, asshole. If you're all about reality, stop
reading jokes. Here's something that pisses ME off- smart asses with
nothing better to do than trying to ruin things for others. Why don't
you just haul your buzz-kill ass to CHURCH. You'll find more of YOUR
kind there and can spend all day everyday joyfully pointing out the
mistakes of others. Hell, maybe you can start your own cult.

Anissa on October 30, 2007 at 08:49

That was very funny.. I am impressed.. Its all very true. But some
people think way to unto this .. But im very pleased.. Well done..

Mara on November 15, 2007 at 11:38

You know what pisses me off? When you rip off sites. That there
"Funny" list is taken from Funnyjunk.com They had it first, and they
had pictures. Stop coping you good for nothing loser, and actually try
to make a good one-liner.

.... on December 18, 2007 at 07:07

funny stuff..

LoL<33 on December 29, 2007 at 02:54

you know what really pisses me off text messageing why would you text
message someone when you can just pick up the phone and call them

victoria on December 30, 2007 at 07:10

pie is funny

pie on January 13, 2008 at 05:59

I got chainmails of that! We died laughing. HAHA. Oh I'm still doing
it.

Tamzin's Ghost on January 28, 2008 at 03:40

Wow, I just read all those comments... some of you are so nice.

Tamzin's Ghost on January 28, 2008 at 03:49

omg do u wanna no wat pisses me off... the topic learn chinese in 5
minutes i mean u fuckin ppl y the fuck r u so racist

unknown on March 11, 2008 at 08:49

HEY MAN ITS A MOTHERFUCKER SHIT ASSHOLE !!!!!!!

JOHNCENA ! on May 17, 2008 at 10:53

hey ass morning

mmmm on June 05, 2008 at 01:57

"It's a fucking joke, asshole. If you're all about reality,
stop reading jokes. Here's something that pisses ME off- smart asses
with nothing better to do than trying to ruin things for others. Why
don't you just haul your buzz-kill ass to CHURCH. You'll find more of
YOUR kind there and can spend all day everyday joyfully pointing out
the mistakes of others. Hell, maybe you can start your own
cult." AYE AYE CAPTAIN!!! I mean come on people, IT'S ALL A JOKE.

Logan T on June 24, 2008 at 01:43

i dint read tat junk but i read the comments & it waz bumpkin.......u
whore sucker fuck..................

bewl on June 27, 2008 at 10:37

To: "You're and Idiot on September 26, 2007 at 09:37" No, you're
the stupid one about point 6. It's obvious what it means when some of
your friends ask you such thing after a good scene of the movie. Or
no, he's looking for your mother at the exit, huh?! Of course he's
watching the movie, too, what the hell other can he watch. And it's
very frequently asked question, I can't see why you try to look stupid
here?!

huh on July 23, 2008 at 05:21

Commenting stupid way, just to comment. It's awesome. Very funny! I
hope the chain thing will work! LOL Really Great!

Renato on July 26, 2008 at 03:02

You know what really pisses me off? People that make comments and
then can't even spell. Guess what? If you want to get your point
across, learn how to spell DUMBASSES!!!! Punctuation is always
useful as well. Oh and....please get a life people.

You people are morons on July 30, 2008 at 06:29

this is so fucking funny!!! lmfao here! I hate chain letters!!!

your mom! on August 13, 2008 at 01:39

can i just say my name is jessica and i go crown woods school that is
the biggest school in england there r 15,000 people in the school and
it is the best school ever and u should go there CROWN WOODS hates
eltham green the can fuck off and they suck dick !!

crown woods school !!!! on December 17, 2008 at 11:15

I think that it was funny!

Shika-Bear on December 19, 2008 at 10:03

EVERYTHING on this list are thigns that bother me!! This has got to be
one of the funniest things i have ever read! I love this kind of
shit great list

Irish on January 21, 2009 at 10:42

hehe i love this..soo funni

kelley on January 22, 2009 at 10:33

u want to no what i
hate..................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................................
......................................................hold on i'm
still
thinking..............................................................
...............................................i got it i hate it when
assholes like u read this kind of shit there r u happy

julian on February 02, 2009 at 04:25

Jules....hemorrhoids bothering you a bit today? Lighten up. I hate it
when people are having fun (doing something silly or whatever) and an
idiot comes along and for no good reason at all, attacks those
individuals. Keep laughing Kelley....life is too short to let idiots
deter you.

Doctor Seeszall on April 03, 2011 at 10:33

Ohhh! I really hate it when people do that!

Doctor Seezall on April 03, 2011 at 10:36

That was funny as HELL!

fuck that on May 07, 2011 at 04:16

you actually jacked this from funnyjunk, or jacked it from someone who
jacked it from there.

kay on May 18, 2011 at 12:08

Someone needs a chill pill. Cops ask you how fast you were going
because it is part of the investigation. It matters if you are
conscious of the crime you committed. People point at their wrist just
to make sure the message is clear by both auditory and visual stimuli
and to avoid wasting time by repeating the question. What does it
matter to you if someone decides to look for the remote control all
over the house? It's a normal thing, it's bothersome to have a missing
item.

spk on May 21, 2011 at 10:17

Wow you actually ripped all ten of these off from comedy websites and
standup, thats what pisses me off, unfunny shitheads

Zygo on June 11, 2011 at 02:28

-ppl that tell you what you're feeling -ppl that argue with you about
what you're feeling -ppl being ignorant to you when you are helping
them (i'm a caretaker) -ppl harassing your patient and making your
job difficult -ppl harassing you when you're trying to work -people
who get amused by picking at you until your upset (both my parents,
lucky me) -rude conversation -people watching crappy trashy loud
television when you have to be in a room with them -people
interrupting you

tina on June 20, 2011 at 02:41

the thing that we hate is when ppl ask u watcha doin after u just told
them lik 2 miniuts ago i mean really wait an hour or 2

cortney and maddy on July 19, 2011 at 11:46

google pisses me off

stef on July 29, 2011 at 05:58

Heard ALL of this before. Lame jokes.. :/ And to all the people who
haven't heard all this crap, have you been living under a rock for
your whole life? This stuff circles the internet and media, it's been
doing that for like 30 years. It's not even funny..

Hannah on August 26, 2011 at 08:54

please add! these are great!!

thvibe on January 02, 2012 at 05:05

1. I point at my wrist because I DONT KNOW IF YOU SPEAK FUCKING
ENGLISH, BITCH! 2. I'm not filling out my check until I know what the
fuck! I'm not leaving a half filled out check in my wallet if
something goes wrong, BITCH 3.I hate fucking with the buttons on my
t.v. and reciever, too hell with that. I'm going to find the damn
remote so I can use all the features that I pay for, BITCH

Radeon on February 16, 2012 at 11:23

biggest pissoff is that everyone in the country of the United
States,including the President, calls it America. America is a huge
continent that contains msny countries. The United States is a country
in America it is NOT America. There is no one more stupid than an
eduicated person.

pissedoff on March 12, 2012 at 04:24

Why are people so angry? Jeez..

Whoa on June 06, 2012 at 09:46

this shit was fuking funny

xzavier on July 06, 2012 at 08:01

Do you know what makes me really mad.My 14 year old cousin!

Joshua De Guzman on August 18, 2012 at 12:08

You people are all crazy. You have no idea how to use punctuation, you
can't spell and you can barely speak English, the frequent swearing
shows your poor vocabulary. Go and read a book and educate
yourselves. To the girl who says there are 15000 pupils at her
school - I am English and there are no schools in this country with
that number of pupils. If you're going to lie at least make it
realistic. This thread isn't funny, it's just very, very sad.

Sally smith on September 21, 2012 at 09:57

Most comments are plagiarized. Using the work of others without
giving proper credit isn't funny.

Rich on October 01, 2012 at 12:35

What's up with all these people ripping some guy who's joking around.
Get a freakn life. As long as it took him to do I would think he's
just trying to express himself which is kinka cool. What I can't
understand is the total loser who has no life whatsoever that proly
sits there for day and proof reads his stupid response to a pereson
that was joking around. Are you a complete retard or are you so anal
you can't get passed the fact you are in love with yourself. Dumbass

Who are these people commenting on October 07, 2012 at 06:40

Please continue, it actually makes me more intelligent and wise upon
analysis of each individual's ignorance and intolerance upon
everything, and all that are beyond their comprehension. To the
Original Poster: You exalt more intelligence and wisdom than your
approximate capacity can apprehend. Take this as wisdom, it's your
only hope for self-worth.

Antony on November 14, 2012 at 12:43

this shit is funny as hell.. haha

Ashley on December 04, 2012 at 09:41

I put the ho.ho.ho back in the ho.ho.ho biches Santa out

ST.FUKING NICK on December 04, 2012 at 09:37

OMG!!!!!!!!!!ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!! O shit this is the most funniest shit
ive ever read!!!!!!

paula on January 21, 2013 at 09:01

Nice work.

Steve on May 12, 2013 at 10:04

10 Things That Piss Me Off

10 Things That Piss Me Off

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