Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw the
crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat
on the ground below
the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy.
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a
lump of dung and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the first
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some
more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight,
there he was
perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was
spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss. The brain
said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole
body's responses and
functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we
carry the brain about
and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said,
"We should be the boss
because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on
with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally
the a**hole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the a**hole being
the Boss. So the
a**hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused
to work. Within a
short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the feet twitched,
the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain
fevered. Eventually they
all decided that the a**hole should be the Boss, and
so the motion was
passed. All the other parts did all the work while
the Boss just sat and
passed out the s**t!
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any a**hole will
Lesson Number 4:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While
it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the
frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it
was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung
and promptly dug him out and ate him!
1) Not everyone who drops s**t on you is your
2) Not everyone who gets you out of s**t is your
3) And when you're in deep s**t, keep your mouth