Memo To All Staff!
Clear-Day MEMO TO ALL STAFF
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in
the US since last Christmas,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of
age, on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the
SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been
RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering
Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependents of spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by management.
Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the
attention of your Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.