Tiny Jokes

>Man : How old is your father ?
> >Boy : As old as me
> >Man : How can that be ?
> >Boy : He became a father only when I was born
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and
> >frog's leg.
> >Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the
> >menu card.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher: Kumar, your composition on "My Dog" is
> >exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> >Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to
>teach you
> >anything!
> >Son : That's why I say she's no good!
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Manager : Sorry,but I can't give u a job. I don't
> >need much help.
> >Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just
> >the right person in this
> >case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Dad : "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go
> >and say sorry to her."
> >Son : (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry
> >you are stupid.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher: "Spell 'WATER',"
> >Girl : "HIJKLMNO."
> >Teacher: "That doesn't spell 'WATER',"
> >Girl : "Yes, it does it's all the letters from 'H
> >to O'."
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such
> >master pieces?"
> >College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B
> >or not 2B."
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any
> >brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
> >"That's nice of her to take such an interest. What
> >did she say when u told her u are the only child?"
> >"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher: "Where were u born?"
> >Student: "Singapore, Sir."
> >Teacher: "Which part?"
> >Student: "All of me, Sir."
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
> >Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
> >Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
> >Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't
> >miss it!"
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Good news and bad news
> >Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
> >Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
> >Patient : What happened?
> >Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some
> >bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
> >Patient : Well... The bad news first ...
> >Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we
> >had to amputate both of them.
> >Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
> >Doctor : There's a guy in the next ward who made a
> >very good offer on your slippers.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
> >Dentist : 90.00.
> >Patient : 90.00 for just a few minutes work???
> >Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
> >Student : "No comb, Sir."
> >Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
> >Student : "No hair, Sir."
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >A boy come home from school with his exam results.
> >"What did u get?" asked his father.
> >"My marks are under water," said the boy. "What do
> >u mean 'under water'?"
> >"They are all below 'C'(sea) level"
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Girl : Do you love me ?
> >Boy : Yes Dear
> >Girl : Would you die for me ?
> >Boy : No, mine is undying love
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
> > Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
>
> > Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
> > Customer : No, I can't.
> >Waiter : Then does it really matter?
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
>
> > Waiter : Yes Sir,they are not very good swimmers.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
> >Waiter : That's all right,Sir, he won't drink much.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my
>soup.
> > Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a
> >lifeguard?
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in
>
> >my tea cup?
> >Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a
> >fortune teller.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
> >Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
> >Father : No. Why do you ask that?
> >Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Lady : Is this my train?
> >Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway
> >Company.
> >Lady : Don't
> >try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this
> >train to Kuala Lumpur.
> >Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too
>heavy.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are
>wearing,
> > one is green and one is blue with red spots!
> >Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I' ve got another
> >pair of the same at home.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
> >Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing
> >football and the game went into extra time.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Wife : Do you want dinner?
> >Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
> >Wife : Yes and no.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"
> >Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >" The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get
> > engaged will you give me a ring?" "Sure," replied
>her
> >lover "What's your phone number?"
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the
> > trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
> >The judge pounded the
> >gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." The
>
> >drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you,
> >your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. 'My
>
> >trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting
>things.'
> >'How long has this been going on?' asked
> >the psychiatrist. 'How long has what been going on?'
>
> > said the man.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out
>
> >of the window!
> >2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
> >1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for
>superstitions.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is
>
> > grazing in the field"
> >Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
> >Teacher : How?
> >Student : Ladies first.
>
> >--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> >Little Susie came running into the house after
>school
> >one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in
> >school today!" "That's
> > great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in to the
>
> >living room and
> > tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I
>
> >got 50 in spelling,
> >30 in Maths and 20 in Science."
> >
>
>