5759 Year according to Jewish calendar; 4696 Year according to Chinese calendar;
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.
What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
"Is anything all right?"
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(Sigh) Oh, don't bother. I'll just sit here in the dark.
Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, "Your wife fell out of the car 5 miles back." Sam replies, "Thank god for that. I'd thought I'd gone deaf! "
Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself", she replied.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star."
"How nice," says his mother.
"I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from now on."
"How nice," says his mother.
"You have to have an Indian name too, Mom," he says.
"I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
You've heard about the big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Jewish telegram:
"Begin worrying. Details to follow."
A Jewish Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar and announces that his wife has just given birth to a baby boy weighing 20 pounds which even for a Texan is atypical. Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the Texas baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is he doing? What does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender is both puzzled and concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is it he lost so much weight?"
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had the bris."
One Saturday morning on Memorial Day weekend, the rabbi noticed little David was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning David."
"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young boy, still focused on the plaque. "Rabbi, what is this?"
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little David's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday morning?"
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."
"Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.
"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?"
1063 Total number of years that Jews went without Chinese food.
What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
"Is anything all right?"
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
(Sigh) Oh, don't bother. I'll just sit here in the dark.
Sam Levy was driving down the road, gets pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says, "Your wife fell out of the car 5 miles back." Sam replies, "Thank god for that. I'd thought I'd gone deaf! "
Short summary of every Jewish Holiday:
"They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat."
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself", she replied.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star."
"How nice," says his mother.
"I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from now on."
"How nice," says his mother.
"You have to have an Indian name too, Mom," he says.
"I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
You've heard about the big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Jewish telegram:
"Begin worrying. Details to follow."
A Jewish Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar and announces that his wife has just given birth to a baby boy weighing 20 pounds which even for a Texan is atypical. Congratulations shower him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" are heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the Texas baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is he doing? What does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender is both puzzled and concerned. "Why? What happened? He already weighed 20 pounds at birth. How is it he lost so much weight?"
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirtsleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had the bris."
One Saturday morning on Memorial Day weekend, the rabbi noticed little David was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning David."
"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young boy, still focused on the plaque. "Rabbi, what is this?"
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little David's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday morning?"
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and rain in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Bernice."
"Bernice is your wife?" Asked the baker.
"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?"
JEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Max Rosenstock on October 24, 2007 at 10:26
Do you know how copper wire was invented?
By 2 jews fighting over
a penny!!
a penny!!
Maddie on October 28, 2007 at 08:59
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips.
NBINDS on November 08, 2007 at 04:31
why are there only 11 holes in the shower heads of the gas
chambers? jews only have 10 fingers why are there no jews on
startrek? its in the future
chambers? jews only have 10 fingers why are there no jews on
startrek? its in the future
matt on November 09, 2007 at 08:15
Whats faster than a speeding bullet? a jew with a coupon
what did the
german kid get for christmas? an easy bake oven and a G.I. Jew Whats
the difference between a white jew and a black jew? the black jew is
in the back of the gas chamber
german kid get for christmas? an easy bake oven and a G.I. Jew Whats
the difference between a white jew and a black jew? the black jew is
in the back of the gas chamber
Anthony on November 09, 2007 at 08:36
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza
Adrian on December 04, 2007 at 02:50
the pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven ;)
Adrian M on December 04, 2007 at 02:52
whats the same about a mexican and a pizza?
there both small, greasy,
and speak no english
and speak no english
Zoso on December 04, 2007 at 02:54
whats 20 ft. long and is wrapped around a cunt?
a turban
Sergio on December 04, 2007 at 02:56
Did the jewish suicide bombers think that when they die and go to
heaven that the 72 virgins waiting for them were all going to be
girls? April Fools Dumbass.
heaven that the 72 virgins waiting for them were all going to be
girls? April Fools Dumbass.
Glenn on December 07, 2007 at 11:52
how do you fit 100 jews in a car. 2 in the front. 3 in the back. The
rest in the ash tray. A jew gets a boner and runs into a wall. what
part of his body hits first. The nose. A jew, a Asain, an African
American all jump off a building. Who hits the ground first. Who
cares. What was hitlers favorite toy. An Easy bake oven.
rest in the ash tray. A jew gets a boner and runs into a wall. what
part of his body hits first. The nose. A jew, a Asain, an African
American all jump off a building. Who hits the ground first. Who
cares. What was hitlers favorite toy. An Easy bake oven.
joe jew on December 14, 2007 at 11:12
JEW
Jew on February 13, 2008 at 07:27
Judaism (Hebrew: יַהֲדוּת) is the religion historically
associated with the Jewish people. It is based on the principles and
ethics embodied in the Hebrew Bible (Tanakh), as further explored and
explained in the Talmud. In 2007, the world Jewish population was
estimated at 13.2 million people—41 percent in Israel and 59 in the
diaspora.[1] According to Jewish tradition, the history of Judaism
begins with the Covenant between God and Abraham (ca. 2000 BCE), the
patriarch and progenitor of the
associated with the Jewish people. It is based on the principles and
ethics embodied in the Hebrew Bible (Tanakh), as further explored and
explained in the Talmud. In 2007, the world Jewish population was
estimated at 13.2 million people—41 percent in Israel and 59 in the
diaspora.[1] According to Jewish tradition, the history of Judaism
begins with the Covenant between God and Abraham (ca. 2000 BCE), the
patriarch and progenitor of the
Frederic Dancose on February 13, 2008 at 07:29
Secco's is ugly and is a fat jew.
Jew boy on February 13, 2008 at 07:30
Dancose smells like a mexican fart face
dancose on February 13, 2008 at 07:30
Hey Dancose,
I love mexicans. Would you like to give me your
E-mail.
E-mail.
Chester the molester on February 15, 2008 at 08:32
Haha Jews!
Feijo on February 19, 2008 at 07:53
yo u fuckin asshole sergio it a fuckin joke site dotn brign sum1
relgion into this u fuckin mexican whore
relgion into this u fuckin mexican whore
m.j on March 05, 2008 at 09:28
why does anta clause skip the jews houses every christmas?
Beacue
they put a parking meter on their roof!
they put a parking meter on their roof!
jewish john =D (jk) on March 06, 2008 at 05:50
Shame on you all!!!!
grandma on March 07, 2008 at 12:40
hahahhahahhahahhahahhahahhaaha jews are soo stupid
LOL JEW!
IMaJEWhater2 on March 11, 2008 at 01:37
wats so bad bout bein a black jew?
you gotta sit in the back of the
oven
oven
id kill myself if i were jewish on March 16, 2008 at 07:38
heres one i fabricated...
Whats the difference between a peice of
toast and a jew? one is easier to burn.
toast and a jew? one is easier to burn.
LoKyM on March 19, 2008 at 03:09
i think u guys r so mean ........................JK screw the jews
black boi number 5 on March 21, 2008 at 02:27
What is the difference between a jewish mother and a rotweiler? The
rotwieler eventually lets go.
rotwieler eventually lets go.
floppi_pancakes on April 22, 2008 at 09:00
wat do u call a blk guy on a bike?
a theif
your mom on April 24, 2008 at 01:39
Whats the difference between a bucket of shit and a Jew?
The
bucket!!!!
bucket!!!!
chris on May 08, 2008 at 06:14
niggers stink like shit
beaver on May 08, 2008 at 09:00
jews are the reason for terrorism. hitler rules!!!!
anti jew on May 28, 2008 at 04:14
whats the difference betweeen a nigger and a bg of shit?
the bag
haha
haha
nigger hater on May 29, 2008 at 05:16
did you hear about the jewish santa... he climed down the chimney and
said hey kids wana buy some presents
said hey kids wana buy some presents
jcallen on June 02, 2008 at 02:24
did you hear about the new jewish car???
it connot only stop on a
dime, it can pick it up to.... -comment back and tell me what you
think
dime, it can pick it up to.... -comment back and tell me what you
think
brady on June 02, 2008 at 07:48
Uhm Yea why do you hate jews so much, cuz they hanged jesus on the
cross? Well for all your info the romans do... Give me a reasong why
else you hate them, what evre your answer is is gonna be false so
shove all you jokes up ur ass like ur ugly ass faces u coniving
bitches. k by
cross? Well for all your info the romans do... Give me a reasong why
else you hate them, what evre your answer is is gonna be false so
shove all you jokes up ur ass like ur ugly ass faces u coniving
bitches. k by
anonmise on June 04, 2008 at 05:34
why do jews have such big noses? all the air is free.
whats the
difference between a pizza and a jew? the pizza doesnt scream when u
put it in a oven
difference between a pizza and a jew? the pizza doesnt scream when u
put it in a oven
jews suck on June 11, 2008 at 01:54
HEIL HITLAAAAAA!!!!!!
MR. non jew on June 11, 2008 at 01:56
I think you guys are all extremely ignorant.
Just sayin'
Go ahead
and bash me. I love that shit. Maybe someone should start putting
ignorant assholes into gas chambers. More than half of the world would
be gone, and it'd be a better place to live.
and bash me. I love that shit. Maybe someone should start putting
ignorant assholes into gas chambers. More than half of the world would
be gone, and it'd be a better place to live.
Nikii on June 14, 2008 at 03:33
How do you get 100 Jews in a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you
get them back out? Tell them hitler's driving. What does a jew do
at christmas? Attach a parking meter to the chimney.
get them back out? Tell them hitler's driving. What does a jew do
at christmas? Attach a parking meter to the chimney.
BeefyG on June 17, 2008 at 12:02
An old jew guy is about to died around his family in a small room, he
can not open his eyes and then start asking...: who is in the room?
Sarah? yes I am here uncle!, David?, yes I am here, Jacob? I'm here
dad!!... WHATTA FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHO IS GOING TO OPEN THE
FUCKING BUSSINES???
can not open his eyes and then start asking...: who is in the room?
Sarah? yes I am here uncle!, David?, yes I am here, Jacob? I'm here
dad!!... WHATTA FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHO IS GOING TO OPEN THE
FUCKING BUSSINES???
the heavy on June 22, 2008 at 10:19
how do you know ur at a gay picnic? the hotdogs taste like shitt
hiiii on June 29, 2008 at 08:50
Stupid Jews!!!
Stupid JEWS!!! on June 30, 2008 at 06:58
you guys fuckin suck... all of you and your not funny jokes that were
funnny at the moment but not anymore im sick of it you cock mongrels
fuckin grow up and suck some cock like everyone else
funnny at the moment but not anymore im sick of it you cock mongrels
fuckin grow up and suck some cock like everyone else
sex in a pan on July 13, 2008 at 11:59
Why does a Jew pick his nose?
It's cheaper than using a
tissue what does a nigger and a apple have in common? they both
look good hangin from a tree What's faster than a speeding
bullet? LONG LIVE THE THIRD REICH AND THE 1000 YEAR
PLAN. What's faster than a speeding bullet? HEIL HITLER A jew
with a coupon.
tissue what does a nigger and a apple have in common? they both
look good hangin from a tree What's faster than a speeding
bullet? LONG LIVE THE THIRD REICH AND THE 1000 YEAR
PLAN. What's faster than a speeding bullet? HEIL HITLER A jew
with a coupon.
jason on July 22, 2008 at 11:12
A jew with a boner walked into a wall. What happened???
HAHA!!! He
broke his damn nose!!!
broke his damn nose!!!
Jew Hater! on August 02, 2008 at 08:13
fuck all you sappy jew loving niggers jews should be aborted at every
given chance
given chance
boulder on August 04, 2008 at 05:39
I work for jews...from Israel....they're horrible people...so for all
you peeps that wanna bitch about ignorance, prolly jews, learn some
respect for your fellow man...then we'll give it back...til then, go
make ur dollar, and we'll hate jews.
you peeps that wanna bitch about ignorance, prolly jews, learn some
respect for your fellow man...then we'll give it back...til then, go
make ur dollar, and we'll hate jews.
nodda on August 10, 2008 at 06:10
the jokes are funny but actually agreeing and hating jews and stuff
thats just a step to far
thats just a step to far
b on December 19, 2008 at 03:07
heyy you know i have a black guy in my family tree.
yeah he's still
hangin there!!!
hangin there!!!
poop on January 06, 2009 at 09:17
JEWZ R STINGY MUDAFUKAZ SHAG DER MUMZ BINLADIN IF UR READIN DIS BOMB
DA BASTRDZ
DA BASTRDZ
JAMIE DUGGAN on January 12, 2009 at 03:43
"Did the jewish suicide bombers think that when they die and go
to heaven that the 72 virgins waiting for them were all going to
be girls? April Fools Dumbass."- they are not jews you DUMB ASS they
are Muslims.
to heaven that the 72 virgins waiting for them were all going to
be girls? April Fools Dumbass."- they are not jews you DUMB ASS they
are Muslims.
Dave on January 15, 2009 at 09:42
What do you call white people going down a hill? An avalanche
What do
you call black people going down a hill? A mudslide What do you call
Mexicans going down a hill? A jail-break What do you call Jews going
down a hill? Open season What's faster than the speed of light? A
Jew with a coupon How do you save a drowning Jew? You don't or you
show him a penny and tell him it's his What are Jews more afraid of
than the SS? Spending money
you call black people going down a hill? A mudslide What do you call
Mexicans going down a hill? A jail-break What do you call Jews going
down a hill? Open season What's faster than the speed of light? A
Jew with a coupon How do you save a drowning Jew? You don't or you
show him a penny and tell him it's his What are Jews more afraid of
than the SS? Spending money
simon on January 16, 2009 at 09:55
How many jews can you fit in a Voltswagon?
2 in the front 2 in the
back and 5 in the ash tray. Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw
his gas bill.
back and 5 in the ash tray. Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw
his gas bill.
nazi on February 15, 2009 at 03:24
how can you tell a jew at a grocery store. He has coupons
jew hater on March 03, 2009 at 05:50
I am jewish. And i am proud of what i am. People like you assholes
have been trying to get rid of us for thousands of years.... but guess
what??? WE'RE STILL HERE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Fuck
all of you, and i hope you all fucking rot in hell, cause i sure
fucking know that God isnt going to want your punk asses!!!!!!!
have been trying to get rid of us for thousands of years.... but guess
what??? WE'RE STILL HERE BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Fuck
all of you, and i hope you all fucking rot in hell, cause i sure
fucking know that God isnt going to want your punk asses!!!!!!!
Morgan on March 08, 2009 at 04:03
You are all racist ignorant pricks. uve all failed at life.
Barry on March 17, 2009 at 08:09
why did hitler kill himself?
because he saw his gas bill! :)
?? on May 15, 2009 at 01:09
Dude jews are douchbags
Killzya on May 19, 2009 at 09:25
YOU ALL NEED TO CALM YOURSELVES!!!!! Everyone needs to lighten up
there's joke about EVERYTHING!!!! If you don't like it DON'T READ
THEM!!!!!! God damn the people without a sense of humor you're the
ones that fail at life NOT US!!!! ... p.s. I think Hilter was very
amazing finding a way to get power of all those countries he could
have succeeded if he thought threw it better!!!!
there's joke about EVERYTHING!!!! If you don't like it DON'T READ
THEM!!!!!! God damn the people without a sense of humor you're the
ones that fail at life NOT US!!!! ... p.s. I think Hilter was very
amazing finding a way to get power of all those countries he could
have succeeded if he thought threw it better!!!!
You fucking JEW!! on June 02, 2009 at 12:20
Most of these jokes suck.
I'm not Jewish. on June 18, 2009 at 08:11
I am not saying some of these jokes arent funny cuz i love the ones
about us being cheap they make me laugh but the ones saying go hitler
or anything about the gas chambers, ovens, or ashtrays make me want to
cry they are so rude offensive and really hurtful and unnecessary
please stop posting those mean ones.
about us being cheap they make me laugh but the ones saying go hitler
or anything about the gas chambers, ovens, or ashtrays make me want to
cry they are so rude offensive and really hurtful and unnecessary
please stop posting those mean ones.
proudjew on July 19, 2009 at 08:02
JEWS SUCK DIRTY ANAL HOLES AT NIGHT, THEN THEY HAVE SEX WITH THEIR
MUMS ON THE DRIVE CAUSE THEY ARE DIRTY FUCKING NOB CHEESES THEY SHOULD
FUCKING BE FUCKING
DES-FUCKING-TROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUMS ON THE DRIVE CAUSE THEY ARE DIRTY FUCKING NOB CHEESES THEY SHOULD
FUCKING BE FUCKING
DES-FUCKING-TROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Massive anal hole!!1!!!!!!!!!!! on August 02, 2009 at 08:34
jews suck many ball sax and dat proud jew's mum is burning in
hel!!11lolololololol jew suck they eat women fro dinner. LOLOLOLOLOL
they shud al die cz they are so many ballsax on their heds it makes no
senses!!!!! i wish dey would al die and i would be hapi on christmas
morning!!! LOLOL Proud jew sucks dirty anal holes, he also sucks off
santa just so he can get presents!! ROFL HAAHAHAA FAIL ASSS HOLE U
LOOSSEESS.
hel!!11lolololololol jew suck they eat women fro dinner. LOLOLOLOLOL
they shud al die cz they are so many ballsax on their heds it makes no
senses!!!!! i wish dey would al die and i would be hapi on christmas
morning!!! LOLOL Proud jew sucks dirty anal holes, he also sucks off
santa just so he can get presents!! ROFL HAAHAHAA FAIL ASSS HOLE U
LOOSSEESS.
Nob monkey on August 02, 2009 at 08:37
I'm fat. At least I'm not fat and Jewish. ;)
Fat Bitch on August 17, 2009 at 08:28
i'm jewish by blood, not by religion.
it's shit, because i hate being
jewish even though i don't believe in the shit they come up with. so
what, is it my fault for being a jew just because i'm from israel?
should you hate me because of that? =/
jewish even though i don't believe in the shit they come up with. so
what, is it my fault for being a jew just because i'm from israel?
should you hate me because of that? =/
lol on September 13, 2009 at 05:08
the day you lot start liking yourselves will be the day you start
liking someone else.
liking someone else.
Wotsinaname on November 16, 2009 at 02:45
It's laughable the level of anger and hatred a lot of you on here
project through your comments. triggered by a simple question "Looking
for short jew jokes?" And the fact that so many of you feel the need
to make such vulgar comments is pretty deep, i think it says more
about yourselves than the people you are trying to offend. I pity
y'all. P.s. thanks to all you's who actually left jokes without the
nasty comments. :)
project through your comments. triggered by a simple question "Looking
for short jew jokes?" And the fact that so many of you feel the need
to make such vulgar comments is pretty deep, i think it says more
about yourselves than the people you are trying to offend. I pity
y'all. P.s. thanks to all you's who actually left jokes without the
nasty comments. :)
Spongeybob on August 20, 2010 at 04:42
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