Hebrew Geek Code

The Hebrew Geek Code
Version 2.1
by Robert Kaiser


Amaze your friends and family! Communicate volumes of information
about yourself with just a few letters! Give information to those
in the know, without anyone else being able to understand! All
this and more is possible when you use this list to create your own
Hebrew Geek Code (HGC), which you then put in your .sig file.

Have fun. Permission is granted to spread this everywhere, as
long as credit is given.



Example Hebrew Geek Code:

S+++ K++ TM M H+ T t SY+= & SY+++ M AT++ Te+/Te++ SC

-------------------------------------------------------
Qualifiers: A&B Means A and B
A/B Means ranging from A to B
-------------------------------------------------------



Shabbat Observance
S--- I stone people walking to shul on Shabbat
S-- Of course. Every Sunday!
S- Not at all, or, "Shabbat - What's that?"
S Reform
S+ Conservative, will drive to shul
S++ Traditional, Orthodox
S+++ I stone cars on Shabbat


Family Fa-- Intermarried - I sure do love Xmas!
Fa- Intermarried - but the children will
be raised Jewish
Fa.n/a Not applicable. I'm homosexual.
Fa.gm I'm gay AND I'm married.
Fa1 Not married - Single
Fa+ I married a Jew.
Fa++ I married more than two wives
at once. [Only applicable for
Yemenite Jews. Sorry :) ]

,c=# Where # represents the number of
children you have. Default = 0.

Examples: Fa1 Fa+ Fa+,c=1 Fa++,c=5


Tohorot Mishpacha TM-- I married a non-Jew, so this doesn't
(Family Purity) apply
TM- I'm a pagan
TM I'm mostly following the rules
TM+ Orthodox
TM++ My wife and I have separate houses


Moshiach M-- He's already come. Haven't you heard the
Good Word?
M- Don't believe in it.
M Could be
M+ I believe with perfect faith...
M++ We want Moshiach now!
M+++ Watching the Rebbe's grave.
M++++ I am Moshiach



Kashrut K-- I only eat at McDonald's.
Also: What's kashrut?
K- Jewish in identity, not in practice.
Likely to eat ham and cheese, but
will say a bracha afterwards
K Very liberal kosher. Won't eat any Torah
forbiden species, won't mix milk and
meat. Will eat eat meat of a permitted
animal, even it not proeprly slaughtered.
K+ Conservative. Kashrut fully observed.
Two sets of dishes, etc. Add appropriate
strictures as necessary. If no codes are
added, lenient options are default for K+
K++ Orthodox kashrut. Same as Conservative,
but unless codes are added, the stricter
options are assumed for k++

K+++ Satmar or Meshugge kosher.

ch+ Will only eat Kosher cheese.
ch Will eat cheese without a hechsher.
me+ Will only eat Glatt meat.
me Glatt not necessary.
mi+ Will only drink Chalav Yisrael milk.
mi Will drink regular milk.
ge+ Won't eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc.
unless with an Orthodox hechsher.
ge Will eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc.
Considered pareve.
wi+ Will only drink kosher wine.
wi Will drink without a hechsher.

Examples: K+ K++ K++,mi k+,ch+



Hebrew Language H- Is 'Jewish' a language?
H I went to Hebrew school. Shalom!
H+ I even took it in college.
H++ I'm not made fun of too badly by Israelis.
H+++ Ani midaberet Ivrit tov Me'od, nu?

Substitute Yid for H to denote Yiddish familiarity.
Substitue Lad for H to denote Ladino familiarity.


Talmud Knowledge T--- I burn them whenever I get the chance.
(Note: This category is especially useful for
apostates like Torquemada.)
T-- I'm a Karaite
T- Is that like Torah?
T Studied in Hebrew school
T+ Studied in college, competent to argue.
T++ Talmud Chochem
T+++ Adin Steinsaltz's chevruta.


Tribe: t Israel
t+ Levi
t++ Cohen
t+++ Next in line to be the Cohen Gadol
t? Not sure (be real - this is most of us!)


How often do I AT-- Religion is for dweebs!
Attend shul? AT- Only for other people's weddings.
AT Regularly! Every Rosh Hashanah and Yom
Kippur, and I also had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah!
AT+ High holidays, Shalosh Regalim (Three
festivals), and occasional shabbats.
AT++ I go on Shabbat.
AT+++ And I lay Tefillin on weekdays
AT++++ The Rabbi wants to institute a
restraining order to keep me away!

What type of SY-- Jesus loves me, yes he does...
synagogue do SY- Allah'hu Akbar!
I go to? -SY I don't go to shul
SY0 Reconstructionist
SY Reform
SY+ Conservative (whatever that means)
SY+= Conservative egalitarian
SYCh Chavura
SY++ UTJ/Traditional/Right wing Conservative
SY+++ Orthodox
SY+++M Modern Orthodox
SY+++Y Yeshiva Litvak Right wing
SY+++C Chassidic


You can add the appropriate Nusach code shown below. If you go to
a shul that is different that your background, then just add a
comma after the shul type, and then add the background code. If
you don't put a code after the shul type, the default is Ashkenazi.
Nusach (What type of Jew am I? )

A Ashkenazi
Az Nusach HaAri
(This is a Ashkenazi Chassidic nusach, which is really a
Sephardi nusach as modifed by Rav Shneur Zalman.)
SE Sephardic (European)
S Sephardic (North African, Middle East)
SY Sephardic (Yementite)
ET Beta Yisrael (Ethiopian)
SI B'nai Yisrael (India)

Examples: SY+ SY+/A SY+/A,SE SY+,SE



Tefillin Te- What's that? Is it good to eat?
Te I don't wear animal products, dude.
Te+ Sure, sometimes. Irregularly.
Te++ Every day, or almost every day.
I'm a mensch! :)
Te+++ The doctors say if I don't taken them
off soon, they'll have to amputate.
Te.n/a Not applicable, I'm a woman.
Te!a Of COURSE Teffilin is applicable for
women! Rashi's daughters wore them!
(For this, add appropriate + or - )

Shabbat Candles SC- I don't use matches. Only you can
prevent forest fires.
SC Been there, done that.
SC+ Every Shabbat.
SC:( I blow them out afterwards so that they
will last longer.
SC++ I have been arrested for arson.
SC+++ I have been convicted for arson.
Add a 'W' for "My wife does that"
Example: SCW+, SCW ...


Festival Observance:
FO--- Christmas Tree and Easter Eggs
FO-- Chanukka Bush and Passover Candy Basket
FO- Secular home
FO Somewhat Traditional - add the following
qualifiers as required:
s Go to a seder
m Light the menorah.
p Make noise and drink on Purim.
t Dance on Simchat Torah
su Eat in a Sukka on Sukkot.
sL Can LEAD a Seder :)
co Count the Omer
hh Go to High Holiday services.

FO+ Full Observance - Reform
FO++ Full Observance - Conservative
and Traditional/Non-egalitarian
FO++= Same as above, but egalitarian.
FO+++ Strict Orthodox observance
FO+++:( Celebrate all festivals but Israel Independence
Day, since Moshiach is not yet here.

Davening (praying) ability
D-- I daven Gospel.
D- What's davening?
D I know when to stand, sit and bow.
D+ I also know the Sh'ma and Kaddish by heart,
and can somehow make it through most of the rest.
D++ I can lead services
D+++ I can also read Torah, Haftarah and Megillot
D++++ and they'll invite me back a second time


Pesach (Passover)
P--- Happy Easter!
P-- Mohammed says to celebrate Moses's birthday !
P- I refrain from bacon double cheeseburgers on Pesach.
No bread at all! My parents are sooo proud!
P Yeah, I think I follow most of the rules. Mostly.
PC Everything except for the part about "Pour out
thy wrath"
P+ Even the pet eats tuna and matzah-brei for a week
P++ I start cleaning right after Hanukkah !
P+++ Blowtorch the kitchen, buy new dishes every Spring
P++++ Blowtorch the house, move every Spring (This ties in
with that arson category of Shabbos candles).

Tzedakah
Tz- I'm a professional shnorrer. Got a dollar?
Tz I give a few bucks - but not if it hurts! :(
Tz+ I actually notice when I give.
Tz++ Repeat donor to UJA, JNF, UW, or SPCA, anything
but the PLO.
Tz+++ Give till it hurts. A mensch. :)
Tz++++ I'm a Rothschild



Egalitarianism Factor
E-- Don't touch that with your bare hands, it's a female!
E- uh...if a man heard a woman's voice, he'd be so overcome
with lustful thoughts he wouldn't be able to concentrate
on his prayers...
E OK, OK, LET them wear tefillin and have women's prayer
groups, just keep them behind the mechitza! But they
don't count in a minyan.
E+ Women (who REALLY have taken on the obligations of tefila
Tallit and Tefillin) can read Torah and count in minyans.
E++ Any women (even without taking on the obligations) can
count in a minyan.
E+++ I only like women rabbis/ I AM a woman Rabbi /
I married a woman Rabbi.
E++++ I'm an ultraliberal lesbian Reconstructionist Rabbi.



Lashon Hora Factor
L----- I am Ricki Lake; Lashon Hora is my job.
L---- I am a talk show host.
L--- I have appeared on a talk show and acted like
a true weenie in front of millions of people.
L-- I write for check-out counter tabloids.
L- I never speak Lashon Hora, but I'll tell you
someone who does!
L If you don't have something nice to say, than
don't say it.
L+ I can recite parts of Rabbi Pliskin's "Guard
Your tounge". A true mensch.
L++ The Chofetz Chaim is my inspiration. I have his
books, his commentaries, and the new interactive
CD-ROM.
L+++ I even refrained from criticising Intel's Pentium
debacle. A tzaddik.
(Note: People who choose this last option are
high on morals, but possibly low on modesty)




E-mail me additions that you think would be good
to kaiser@pofvax.pnb.sunysb.edu.
They might end up in the next version.



By Robert D. Kaiser (kaiser@pofvax.pnb.sunysb.edu)
with contributions from

Michael Turniansky (mt0013@epfl2.epflbalto.org)

Jonathan and Woody Anna Dresner (dresner@ccy.yamaguchi-u.ac.jp)

Wendy Morrison (HMTRAD@aol.com)

Yatzliakh Yisrael Abrahami (Yatz@intxtdoc.demon.co.uk)

Aaron Gross (aaron.g@ix.netcom.com)