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Daddys 10 Rules Of Dating

*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING*


Rule One~:If you pull into my driveway and honk
you'd better be delivering a package, because
you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two~: You do not touch my daughter in front of
me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not
peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will
remove them.

Rule Three~: I am aware that it is considered
fashionable for boys of your age to wear their
trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult,
but you and all of your friends are complete
idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You
may come to the door with your underwear showing
and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not
object. However, in order to ensure that your
clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of you date with my daughter, I will take my
electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely
in place to your waist.

Rule Four~: I'm sure you've been told that in
today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier
method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate,
when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will
kill you.

Rule Five~: It is usually understood that in order
for us to get to know each other, we should talk
about sports, politics, and other issues of the
day. Please do not do this. The only information I
require from you is an indication of when you
expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
and the only word I need from you on this subject
is: early."

Rule Six~: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow,
with many opportunities to date other girls. This is
fine with me as long as
it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you
have gone out with my little girl, you will continue
to date no one but her until she is finished with
you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven~: As you stand in my front hallway,
waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an
hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than
can take longer than painting the Golden Gate
Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't
you do something useful, like changing the oil in
my car?

Rule Eight~: The following places are not
appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places
where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than
a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is
warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear
shorts,tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything
other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down
parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a
strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided;
movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey
games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine~:Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a
potbellied,balding, middle-aged, dimwitted
has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I
am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe.
If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you
have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a
shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not
trifle with me.

Rule Ten~: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very
little for me to mistake the sound of your car in
the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice
paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting
up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to
clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my
daughter home. As soon as you pull into the
driveways you should exit the car with both hands
in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password,
announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter
home safely and early, then return to your car
--there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.



Send this to 0 people and you will never get a date


Send this to 1 -5 people only dorky people will be
attracted to you

Send this to 5-10 people you will get asked out,but
it won't amount to much

10 + you will live a charmed life, and will have
lots of dates
haha that sounds soo much like my dad when i was younger!
meg on November 01, 2005 at 11:49
well it sounds like my dad now. Oh well I get what I want!
jay on December 03, 2005 at 02:13
that is my dad he actually makes my boyfriends read that , and fill
out the application, plus we have it hanging in our store
Ash on January 04, 2006 at 05:56
dang what does your dads think we are going to do to you
O.P.P. on January 22, 2006 at 12:39
I AM THE DAD. YOU'LD BEST PAY ATTENTION
MR.DAD on September 23, 2006 at 10:24
That's sounds like my dad when I had my first date
MeMe on November 14, 2006 at 08:04
sound like my dad with my first boyfriend... but i dated the guy for
like 8 months so after a while my dad loosend up and started to like
him so we would always hold hand and stuff in fount of him
channie on November 21, 2006 at 09:23
What the hech..guess what..i won't ever go out with a daddy's
David on November 26, 2006 at 07:12
wow..thats like what my dad says to the guys i date too.........weird
rose on December 20, 2006 at 02:42
Ya! My dad IS the writer! (he didn't really write it, for u slightly
stupid ones out there, it means it sounds exactly like him) Especially
the rule that tells the boy hes got five acres of land, because he
does!
Tara on January 06, 2007 at 06:53
THIS IS WHY I DONT BRING GUYZ HOME!!!
lana on January 23, 2007 at 10:48
why are daddies so mean
jun on January 30, 2007 at 08:15
My girls dad is so overprotective.
billy on January 30, 2007 at 08:17
2007 acadia gmc www.volny.cz/acadia/
dealer on March 07, 2007 at 07:13
Hahahaha that is so true. especially since i am of the female species
myself and have an over protective father that is so true
Duchess on March 22, 2007 at 02:01
haha that is soo true.. my dad always threatens like that!
Tiss on March 26, 2007 at 10:21
Lol so bloody true, which is why they don't know me.
Darren on May 18, 2007 at 10:50
one of my gf's dad's once sat me in the living room and started to
engage in mindless conversation with me, i was eventually so
mindboggingly overcome with boredom and indiference that i said to him
"look, you don't care about any of this and niether do i, all you want
to know is that i won't hurt your daughter and rest asured i will not;
now if you'll excuse me i'll wait for her in the porch" to which he
eventually responded after recovering from such a strange take "get
the fuck out of my house kid" he pushed me away and i never went back,
too bad though, the girl was kinda hot.... i now it has little to do
with anything but i just felt i needed to share this
Josh on May 27, 2007 at 05:51
I dont blame him, i would do the same for my lil' sis also
CDE on May 31, 2007 at 08:02
yeah my firwst bf and i are going through all of that. my dad is not
so bad but he did send me this. but i am a daddy's girl
brit on June 09, 2007 at 02:15
A Question for CDE why are dads and older brothers soooo protective
older sisters mabye a little but mostly the guys watz up wit
dat????????
Cutie on June 12, 2007 at 09:23
FUCK YOU GET A LIFE BITCH!!!!!! IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE A WHORE AND
WILL FUCK ME IN THE FUTURE(IF YOU ARE A GIRL). CALL ME
HeyFuckyou on June 29, 2007 at 07:10
GRAB THE GUN AND SHOOT THE FATHER THEN YOU CAN BE THE BARRIER
blake on October 07, 2007 at 06:44
blake stfu your a moron that makes absolultly no sense. this joke is
haliourious and im deffinitly gonna tell everyone i know nabout it
superman on November 02, 2007 at 04:18
this is a very good point on what not to do with a date
teethy on November 07, 2007 at 06:32
thre duaghters only two boyfriends now calling guess what happened to
the thlird???
lord rockingham on February 22, 2008 at 10:40
lol, that sounds just like my dad! he shows that to my bf ever tim he
comes to pick me up! lol wooooow!
hottie*gurl on March 14, 2008 at 05:20
O.P.P. was right; what DOES the dad think we are going to do with his
daughter?!
I posted this on March 29, 2008 at 12:06
aha wow my dad like idk he's known all my bf's prettty much he lived
on the same srteet as one b4 when my ex was like 6 or someshit an he
was alike a mouthy lil kid so my dad still hadn't liked him even tho
he was now 16 . lol and then he works with my other ex's dad so yahh
he knew that he was a bad ass and my bf now well my dad just knows
his mom from liviving on bowden lol :)
jayme baby on April 08, 2008 at 08:15
I'm so glad my dads not like this. He's protective but not smothering,
and he actually likes my boyfriend.
MD on April 25, 2008 at 02:46
ohmigawd. That is something my dad would say. Except im not a virgin
sooooooo.... Yea!
Bridgette on May 08, 2008 at 07:31
I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About 2
year ago I my partner had misunderstanding, we had both made BIG
mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to
pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to
make me happy. I was relieved when I found your email:
voodoafricapower@yahoo.com on a site about what you have done. I
requested 1 to 2 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within
3days frank company had relocated him back
natasha34 on February 04, 2013 at 12:44
Dad's don't own their daughters. Are they the ones who gave birth to
the daughters? Then dads need to shut up and allow moms imput
too!!!!!! 8-8-2013
Pam (Wildcat Fan) on August 09, 2013 at 01:13

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