Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).
Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).
Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
Tom on January 05, 2006 at 08:35
Funny information about babies here :) Thanks!
Marge on December 12, 2006 at 02:05
that cheered me up!
christina on January 11, 2007 at 10:31
When my other half p's me off I clean the loo with his
toothbrush....poetic! Oh yeah...his comment after our kid was born
'you've no idea how hard that day was for me'errrrrrr helloooo!
toothbrush....poetic! Oh yeah...his comment after our kid was born
'you've no idea how hard that day was for me'errrrrrr helloooo!
Carla on March 03, 2007 at 03:53
G I can't Wait to have Fucken kids.
Farrows949 on April 20, 2007 at 04:46
![[page]](http://www.toolset.org/files/icons/page.png){kind=icon}
![[picture]](http://www.toolset.org/files/icons/picture.png){kind=icon}
![[page_white_flash]](http://www.toolset.org/files/icons/page_white_flash.png){kind=icon}
horrors of women! We are looking for men to tell us their stories
about how women have got their revenge on them. Have you ever had a
woman cut your suits up? Or worse, John Wayne Bobbitt? Ever had your
car keyed? Your front door Egged? Your tires slashed? Your porn
collection sent to your Mother? Any of these ring bells? If so let
me know. You can get me on 020 7291 0709 or email me at
tom@jonesthefilm.com. Cheers All, Tom Tom
Pollard tom@jonesthefilm.com T: 020 7291 0709 M: 077 1363 6455 F:
020 7580 3480