Types of Chain Letters
Chain Letter Type I
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents,
and no pecker. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every
time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Starving Legless
Armless Parentless Peckerless Little Boys from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent. So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly and a mad
goat will rape your dead body. Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!!
(This is where you have to scroll down)
Really, go on and make one wish!!!
Oh please, s/he'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not *that* either, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
You Can Stop now moron!!!!!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty,
here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a certain
number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and
then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because
, you now, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes.
Send this to 1 person: One person will be upset with you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.
Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be upset with you for sending them
a stupid chain letter.
5-10 people: 5-10 people will be upset with at you for sending them a stupid
10-20 people: 10-20 people will be upset with at you for sending them a
stupid chain letter.
20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be upset with you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type III
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass
this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will
happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it
. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some
people swing that way, especially at Oklahoma City University). They both
died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both
cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To
Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.
Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and
then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3
children and lived happily ever after.
Right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with
his secretary and boozing. Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at
the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3
children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they
got divorced. She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child
support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his
car and now is working the midnight shift at the local McDonald's.
Chain Letter Type IV
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's
the cleaning lady,
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity,
send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
TRASH IT!!! If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget
to delete the chain letter part. But if it's gonna make people feel guilty
(i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e.
Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.
Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to
BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!" Thank you.