Computer Diagnosis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that
can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose
your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs
$10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a
urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he
poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started
making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief
pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have
tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It
will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a
stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and
daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went
back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and
deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed
out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a
rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They
aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better."