At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If G.M. had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the gallon." In
response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating,
"If G.M. had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a
Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart, and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a manner such as a left turn, would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or
"CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five
times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would but would only run on
five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would be
replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
G.M. would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand
McNally road maps (now a G.M. subsidiary), even though they neither need
them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause
the car's performance to diminish by fifty percent or more. Moreover, G.M.
would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
Every time G.M. introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn
how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the same manner as the old car.
You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.