9 Things I Hate About Everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".?Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

User Comments

This is great! I especially like the 1st and 5th one.

Aya on October 20, 2005 at 01:42

HAHAHA I LIKE THE 1st,5th, and 9th.

Yellow Fishy on October 20, 2005 at 04:31

On # 9 you might consider that different bus lines operate from the
same bus stop... Dumbass!

fuck this page on October 24, 2005 at 01:25

thats funny!

meghan on October 29, 2005 at 05:31

Fantastic , must use styles

xpertsam on November 05, 2005 at 09:50

your a fukin pisser mate

Bindi on November 10, 2005 at 01:26

Yeah! You got some of the things I hate! Whoever did this is equaly
evil to me!

Blackrose on November 23, 2005 at 08:24

roflers

Skill on November 23, 2005 at 02:46

its good i hate this stuff too

Sorry i forgot it on November 29, 2005 at 11:37

I LIKE #3 CAKE IS GOOD!

Giggles on December 01, 2005 at 06:32

ha cookies wit milk is betta!

cexy boy on December 07, 2005 at 03:39

This shit is so true and funny i really like 1 4 5 and 9 that is so
true!!!!! Good job for who ever mad this up

Ashantia on December 14, 2005 at 04:03

lol i liked this, i couldnt stop laughing at the 2nd one

apoolloshot on December 14, 2005 at 09:42

This is 100% True

CRAP-A-LOT on December 16, 2005 at 05:08

Hey really nice, specially # 1,5,& 9

David on December 17, 2005 at 02:36

THOSE ARE SOOO TRUE, GLAD SOMEONE GOT IT OFF THERE CHEST

Marty on December 21, 2005 at 09:23

This is great i laughed the whole time while reading it

diddie on December 27, 2005 at 04:01

Hi there. these are funny.

hdnh on December 28, 2005 at 01:44

AAMMMEEENNN!

dave on January 02, 2006 at 08:09

you should start a religion!

frank on January 02, 2006 at 08:10

hahaha lol! the first one was hilarious

myterious gal on January 15, 2006 at 02:18

make some more those are fickign funny

Paigieeee on January 16, 2006 at 07:01

those r so true. whoever made the page is awesome

Baxter on January 22, 2006 at 02:12

now this one s really funny hahahaha

allen on January 22, 2006 at 10:49

ashantia iz an assssssholleeeeeee.

sandy on January 28, 2006 at 02:09

Who ever made this....this guy is a god..this guys a role model

RocaUrWorldBitch on February 14, 2006 at 07:47

Miserable bastard. 1. Maybe i'm trying to make the message a little
clearer with an accompanying gesture, or do you think deaf people are
patronizing you because they use hand motions to communicate? 2.
Maybe i like to flick through the channels, and maybe the remote is
capable of altering settings the TV's controls aren't? Why do i want
to get up every time i change the channel or a painfully loud
commercial comes on? 3. that saying refers to someone having
everything their way or wanting to. The rest of us are more tolerant
and considerate than that. Can't have it all your way, people are
generally going to ask if the bus has arrived when they get to the
stop, sorry dude! 4. Not literally, it's always in some pain in the
ass place. No, my keys aren't on the table, in the droor, in my coat
pocket, on the bedside table etc. And who says that anyway? I'm fully
expect things to be in the last place i look. 5. Maybe i wasn't
asking if YOU saw it world-hater. Who wants to see a movie with a
downer like you at the end of the day. god, the news is depressing
enough without having someone mention that they hate everything
everyone does. 6. You don't know how long the question's going to
be, they want to know if you have time to answer a quick question,
they're trying to be nice. 7. Shut up. If i get a new TV, it has
some new features that qualify it as new. Like Picture in Picture
maybe, and they're improvements over my old tv's "one picture at a
time" feature. You're really stretching it on this one. 8. If i
died tomorrow my life would have lasted eighteen years, there are
plenty of things that have taken longer. U2's music career. 9. Are
we going to the same place? Does just one bus stop here? do you ride
every single bus everywhere? e.g. "has the bus come yet?" "yeah,
the no. 78 to the library just left" "aaarrgghh" be more upbeat.
why hate everyone? Feelings tend to become mutual sooner or later, so
if you don't stop hating everyone. . .

Laser Gator on October 02, 2006 at 12:45

Jesus Christ!, these r da best! wot kind of person can think of this?

Wardogg on October 06, 2006 at 12:20

i point at my crotch wen i need to pee lol

mechy on October 08, 2006 at 08:54

I agree with laser gator. these are stupid points none of which stand
up to rational scrutiny.

jimmyjones on October 19, 2006 at 10:30

I liked #15, and #16. Anyone give a shit?

theres a milk dud in my but on October 21, 2006 at 05:53

Its my recipy for halarity

pimp prince on October 31, 2006 at 02:43

lol! this was great!!

someone on November 10, 2006 at 11:30

balabalsaowiwwrj wjkawrarwe ordvn alerv rgvn

yeaps on November 13, 2006 at 04:00

u r soooooooooo sad

jatt girl on November 21, 2006 at 01:32

HA HA HA LMAO!!! WElldone these are warped but classic!

TT on November 22, 2006 at 11:42

moo

person on November 24, 2006 at 04:21

moo 2 you 2 dont hate me coz u aint me

person2 on December 04, 2006 at 07:46

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!!! THIS IS THE MOST GOD DAMN HILLARIOUS THING IVE
EVER READ not lol jkdgneg eamgew4tftgsrtwEGVWEG

Dot on December 04, 2006 at 07:46

hey man this is fuckin great i hate every single of it

nathoam on December 14, 2006 at 10:38

Very true! Of course I still do half of those things...

Kanashii on December 18, 2006 at 03:21

If any of you lived outside of your small cardboard box you would know
these were written by Maddox.

Lyss on December 22, 2006 at 07:34

ne1 who writes as much as that as comments are truly sad...i am yet to
see something that i agree totally with?!

frogsylitious on December 24, 2006 at 07:47

SO funny i love it!! i like 1st 5th 9 ...umm all lol very nice

Sexxxy blondd on January 09, 2007 at 08:05

Love the first but please don't point to the crotch, it will make me
want to go with you to the bathroom!! lol

blue Eyed bombshell on January 09, 2007 at 08:06

Name the comedian you stole those from :D

Marc on January 25, 2007 at 02:05

go eat site....Laser Gator...loosen up u dumb fuck...stop acting as
if u have a pole up ur hairy hole...bitch

kiss my butt on January 28, 2007 at 03:00

LOL! that was hillarious! though i'm guilty of almost all those
things. Which reminds me *points at wrist* do any of you know the
time?

wrist pointer on January 30, 2007 at 06:15

gay

duder on March 14, 2007 at 02:31

halirious and not gay!but truthful..

jen-non.thee.less on March 16, 2007 at 09:17

hey dats fantastic i luv d truth u let readers no long live 2u guyz

martins enow on March 21, 2007 at 06:48

this is plagiarized from a stand-up routine by George Carlin. Why
isn't Carlin credited? Sleazy, dude.

joe on March 28, 2007 at 11:20

funny stuff

PoPo a GoGo on March 30, 2007 at 12:53

u said the f*** word

Wolly on May 04, 2007 at 05:43

Wolly, how old are you, like ten?

Kiana on May 10, 2007 at 06:08

OMG! This is so like me! I hate those things...XD lol Good Job! :)

Spring on May 14, 2007 at 08:09

LOL thoughs people who say this is stupid are stupid....lol this stuff
is good

LOL on May 16, 2007 at 04:36

These thoughts are soooo funny! ha ha ha ha Lighten up Laser Gator,
you may like it, you may even enjoy the feeling of laughter!

funny on May 30, 2007 at 02:21

Funny Funny Funny..... BUT.... what's up with the chain letters? Do
any one even read those.... I bet that not even one person read that
crap.... especially when there's so much more interesting stuff to
read @ this web site !!!!

polly-dolly on May 30, 2007 at 02:25

I READ SOMEWHERE THAT WHEN A PERSON FORWARDS A CHAIN LETTER.... FOR
EVERY TEN THAT THEY SEND.... THEY RECEIVE ONE YEARS BAD LUCK!

god on May 30, 2007 at 02:31

OMG THEY ARE SOO DAMN FUNNY AND BASICALLY TRUE, THEY SHOULD BE MORE OF
THEM SOMEWHERE!

Ryazz on July 14, 2007 at 07:06

RIDICULOUS! 1. because non verbal communication exists 2. you will
have to find the remote eventually, might as well do it now. 3. You
don't understand the meaning of the saying, think harder idiot.
4.the correct saying is: it's always in the last place you THINK to
look...meaning LOOK IN PLACES YOU WOULDNT EXPECT, DUMBASS 5. maybe
you should see movies alone if you're that irritable. 6. ever heard
of the two-letter word 'no'? 7. You truly are an idiot. Something
can't be new and improved? Not worth explaining. 8. earth has been
around for billions of years. 9. if i thought i just missed the bus
and someone was standing there waiting, i wouldnt just stand there
like a tool. i would try to figure out if the bus came yet.

IM SMART on July 26, 2007 at 05:09

iya i fink num 5 izz a bit sili coz loadsa people miite av been lookin
at sumtin else whilst 'that bit apend' pluss alot off people use tha
movies jusst tu Kiss !!! :P

Laura....<3 on August 07, 2007 at 07:54

nine? Man... I just hate when people I don't know just keep staring at
me for no apparent reason...with that dumb look too.. I just want to
stab them in the eyes

m on September 05, 2007 at 09:51

hahahaha ditto!!!

bang bang baby on September 09, 2007 at 02:03

PLEASE stop putting your stupid Chain letter crap on here, it takes
long enough to scroll dowwwnnnn. GOSH and these are
awsome... :D:D:D these are also all the things I hate :) xcept
for the bus one...never happened to me

DUUUUUUDEEEEEE (ette) on October 03, 2007 at 06:24

Awesome! I dont now how I can say in words how much I liked it! Its
just cool!

Jyoti on October 15, 2007 at 11:01

i like the thing about the remote :D

ani on October 28, 2007 at 01:31

That has to be the funniest and truest thing i have ever read.
Especially on the internet. Me and my mates think your well fit and
buff call +447951 971 981!

Cliher on December 11, 2007 at 05:44

i love these so much knda.lol im watching a movie and it kinda sux
big time. neway...i hate it when ya hurt yaslf and pple ask 'r u
alrght?' and im thnkng 'well na..im fne it ddnt hrt a bit!!!
not!!!!!!!'

kelso g lol = ) on December 29, 2007 at 12:09

OMG SOO FUNNY I LOVEE NUMBER ONE I LOVE THIS WEBSITE

Colleen on January 07, 2008 at 05:23

What a crack up!!!

Cleopatra on March 20, 2008 at 02:08

that was so funny!!!

bob on April 07, 2008 at 12:11

Nice, if you hadn't copied it from a zillion other websites with the
same things, word for word.

Emma on April 23, 2008 at 07:13

Laser Gator your name was all i bothered to read! Original poster,
it took me years to solve ye olde cake theory, i still remind myself
of its powerful message. The thing about it is...if you eat the cake
you wont have it anymore so the ass-clown who says it to you has
forgotten something important, cakes are food and have a shelf life,
just what would one do if they rebelled and decided to have the cake.
I'm just so sickened i don't know what to do, there must be someone i
can lay blame on

TheNegative on May 01, 2008 at 04:32

i loved 1,2,4,5,6,7,9 i didnt get 3,7 or 8 they wernt funny

me on May 17, 2008 at 03:46

These were pretty funny when I read them in an email because there
wasn't any foul language. Do we HAVE to use that kind of language in
every sentence that we every write or say? C'mon y'all... Have some
decency.

Person4565 on June 10, 2008 at 08:59

that was so damn funny but my cousin pionts to her crotch when she ask
where the bathroom is.

destiny on June 12, 2008 at 09:59

HAY IM SMART IF YOU DONT LIKE THEN DONT READ DICKHEAD. YOU MAKE ME
FUCKEN SICK WITH ALL THE BULSHIT YOU SAY GETA LIFE.

KEYNA on June 12, 2008 at 10:30

i agree with RocaUrWorldBitch + Ryazz. ur the dumb guy

a;kshf;skjhf on June 16, 2008 at 05:18

its just a bit of fun jeez! X

katie on June 21, 2008 at 02:28

omg soooo funny :L 1 + 5 + 9 was soo funny

Shannon on August 04, 2008 at 01:04

Oh these are so great! I sware this guy I work with could have written
these! Either him or the comedian Dane Cook. These R O C K! To
Lazer Gator: Dude, chill. Learn to laugh. Destiny: Your cousin
does that? How old is she, like 6? ehhee =P or is she just some
hilariously ccrazy person? Many of my friends are like that! And
to Emma: Which websites are these copied from? =P

Adele on August 05, 2008 at 12:03

lmao.this was hilarious even after i read it five billion times. haha.
i showed 2 of my bffls and they loved it.

sharon thomas on August 13, 2008 at 04:55

I liked tha 4th one lol itz so true

Sukie Sukie now on January 04, 2009 at 12:15

i like the 5th 9th 6th awsome site

bs on January 06, 2009 at 06:19

luv it!

Jalisa on February 02, 2009 at 04:07

lol! i seen the video on youtube of a girl who said this. . . and wow!
shes hot! but on youtube its 10 things i hate about people

jonblaze on March 02, 2011 at 05:04

ahaha these were so funny! the haters are just jellin'.

gurly teen gurl on April 14, 2011 at 01:18

Haha this is a funny collection, I make my own lists about things I
hate in people and criticize well basically everything!

J C on June 08, 2011 at 02:36

Laser Gator, learn to laugh or shrug.

Trolling is not a hobby on June 26, 2011 at 11:22

so true loling and rotgling love this keep it up. ps it hard to make
me laugh but u guys did

nikki on July 14, 2011 at 09:21

Lmao, this was Hilarious although I do half these things. I love
Numbers 2 and 6

Atshanღ on July 15, 2011 at 03:24

might wanna credit lee evans yeah?

rachy on July 20, 2011 at 02:16

when people say hater gonna hate, yeah no shit cunt, what else would
haters do. thats like saying bakers gonna bake or teachers gonna
teach. dumb asses

thugs on August 18, 2011 at 10:42

What a sad sad individual with no sense of irony or unintended
humor, Get a girlfriend buddy

Mike on September 01, 2011 at 05:01

actualy life is short and that's why we shouldn't be so angry on what
somebody else does.

mona on September 06, 2011 at 08:55

okay everyone who is hating this.. if u dont like wht this guy is
saying then why did u read every single one jjust to post a bad
commment? you haterz need to get a life. this is freaking america and
he has a right to say whatever he wants. If you dont like it then fuck
you. c'mon i hate how something really f unny is always ruinged by
"dislikes" it's like wtf??? leave him the hell alone. he waasn't
tlking specifically to you. he was making his opinion clear so shut
the f up. STFU! it was funny!

geminitwilight on September 17, 2011 at 07:15

dude this is america you got like free voice and shit aaar god bless
america dude. thats so dope. someones a miserable bastard. i like
england.

ya mom on September 25, 2011 at 11:06

WOW! This is the funniest thing I read in weeks. I laughed for ten
minutes straight after reading this. People are wasting their time
becoming too analytical over simple generalized comical phrases.

i like this on October 14, 2011 at 12:50

it great i hate people that just want to playing love

amirah on October 18, 2011 at 04:30

This guy didn't even make these up. I've seen them around the internet
for years. Also, they are intolerant and ignorant. Don't be such a
miserable, narcissistic little fuck. Have a nice life.

Mer on October 29, 2011 at 02:31

@lazer gate I love you man, thanks for your rant. Even though
you'll probably never read this.

Happy man on October 29, 2011 at 07:00

Is this for real? Are all of you people actually agreeing with this
list and believing that it is true and funny? It is neither true nor
funny. Ryazz and RocaUrWorldBitch are right, and they are only
"hating" because this list is a complete waste. And mona, only idiots
quote the "this is freaking america and he has a right to say
whatever he wants" thing. Your argument is completely ridiculous.

You're an idiot on December 04, 2011 at 09:28

I think you meant Laser Gator and IM SMART, not Ryazz and
RocaUrWorldBitch. Also, I think you meant geminitwilight and not mona.
You probably probably didn't notice that the names show up below the
posts, not above them.

Name Switch on December 04, 2011 at 09:35

Yeah, you ripped off george carlin. come up with your own shit.

Mike Jones on December 29, 2011 at 02:47

@ Laser Gator You are not spposed to analyze them, they are
supposed to be funny. The things no one realizes when they do them.
You really need to grow up if this upset you that much that you need
to write us a book about it! :)

OMFG! on December 29, 2011 at 08:33

get a life you faggot fuck

rascist on January 10, 2012 at 07:35

10. People who waste their time bitching on sites like these.

Bahaha on January 15, 2012 at 02:50

It would have taken you a minute tops to credit the genius behind
these lines... George Carlin was brilliant and if you liked this
you should check out more of his work.

Anon on January 25, 2012 at 11:12

Fuck you all, you motherfucking fuckers

sfoihoih on January 27, 2012 at 09:19

wow. you completely stole that from Andrea Russet on Youtube. WAY TO
BE ORIGINAL!!!!

guess what! on January 28, 2012 at 09:38

I am so pissed that I type in 'I HATE EVERYONE' on google..and I ended
up reading this! this is really funny..especially the part where you
say..didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?..lol..that
had me cracking up! :D

ihatelife on February 25, 2012 at 11:07

Who ever complains to this is 1.No freaking sence of humor. 2.You
have no life writing huge comments like those. 3.If you dont like it,
then GTFO! No wants you here bro. 4.Really awesome stuff. Continue
Gods work my friend.

FREAKINGAWESOME on April 06, 2012 at 06:51

Hey i will fuccckkkk your asssshole dummshockck lolllasaaa
gendemmatta tuchchi

Prashant on April 18, 2012 at 02:42

Lol, I've hear most of these, but not the first, and that one's
hilarious.

Aesomeblossom on April 18, 2012 at 05:17

that was so funny!!! lol

kk on April 29, 2012 at 12:37

lmfao! this ish was funny!

princess poopi on May 13, 2012 at 07:48

on #7, they mean new and improved VERSION, smart one. the 2012 version
of a specific computer, such as a macbook pro, is a NEW VERSION and an
IMPROVED VERSION compared to the most recent one. Get some inside
knowledge first, dipshit.

Yaxori on May 14, 2012 at 02:53

10. Cunts who comment more than 6 years after the original
post. 11. Cunts.

Lamer Loser Dude on May 18, 2012 at 04:19

y are ppl saying theses mean things?? there all true people> wow you
should read it from the comments up gives a differntt prespective
alot of people are bullys man alot evil is everywhere the best thing i
could suggest to anyone would be to quit talking for a week dont nod
either pretend like everyone else isent there wear sunglasses and ear
plugs there are good people in the world but its like 1 % or less
if the world would just stop driveing itself to hell for one second
evil would be s

colin on June 03, 2012 at 07:51

sent packing good is way stronger when it wants to be

colinner on June 03, 2012 at 07:56

i wanna hate him, he is not mine. he is completely different from me,
i thought he would do anything to keep me happy, but alas, i must do
everything to keep him happy, n in the end, m not happy

soum on June 10, 2012 at 11:42

Seen this a million and 9 times.

Savannah on July 23, 2012 at 11:48

fuckin funny

U DONT KNOW ME >:D on August 08, 2012 at 09:45

LaserGator dosesn' know what he' talking about. These are awesome!
(Especially 1,4,5,and6.)

hi on August 22, 2012 at 03:49

lol these r sooooooo stupid and r dumb reasons to hate ppl i mean u
have to have better seasons to hate someone my friend (¬‿¬)

Camille on August 28, 2012 at 01:56

This actually made me smile the first time in a while, thankyou

Amy on September 27, 2012 at 04:57

This is so unoriginal.

Chell on October 29, 2012 at 05:51

Haha dont listen to thoses haters thats funny as fuck lol

Lauire on November 09, 2012 at 04:22

i hate hipsters, scrawny kids, assholes, my mother, my father, my
step-mother, my drunk grandmother, most of my 'friends', my
classmates, girls, most guys, homophobes, racists, alchoholics, stupid
people, shitty rappers, people who like shitty music, people who can't
fight well, my man-arts teacher, my home-ec teacher, children between
the ages of 2 and 14, fat people who use scooters, sluts, whores,
birds, people with giant earrings, people who use too much make-up,
facebook, me.

jett on November 25, 2012 at 02:20

YO!!!THIS IS SO FUCKIN FUNNY!!!Yo peps, If you think this is funny,
look up a remix I made called "I'm Drunk and I Know It"

Rebekah C. Sullivan on November 29, 2012 at 06:23

okay smart ass you think you hate people?compare to this,you know
every one bitches about anything,and if you have dealt with
backstabbing friends or family you would know.The nature of all humans
are violence,lying,selfishness,so if you know this why the fuck don`t
you just say it to peoples faces and be done with it instead of
complaining like a bitch.I have dealt with this and my hatred has
grown to a point i don`t trust anyone

X on December 27, 2012 at 01:47

just saying,maybe you should think about why you are mad,try to change
your self cause its silly

jay on December 27, 2012 at 01:52

*wakes up *gets clothes to dress with Someone from your fam comes,
looks to you and says " Did you wake up?" NO, IM SLEEPWALKING.

ana on December 27, 2012 at 03:31

Lol..!! awesome +100

Gunth3r on January 13, 2013 at 06:30

Thanks 4 making of laugh.

Rose on January 28, 2013 at 05:45

really? if you hate everyone for these (awful) reasons, then you
might want to kill yourself, seeing as how every fucker does at least
one of the things mentioned here. (regardless of whether they admit it
or not)

James on February 01, 2013 at 10:48

i hate when i see people living

the situation on February 05, 2013 at 05:24

Omg ahahha this is so true!

joey on February 08, 2013 at 07:42

LOOOOOEEEEEEEELLLLLL!!!!!!! \('O ' )/

Matthew (HYPERTiZ) on February 19, 2013 at 11:12

Ha ha I can rilate to most of these. Xx

Grace on February 26, 2013 at 01:23

what a bunch of crap

v on March 16, 2013 at 01:56

u r so right hate my life right now just wish i could punch u lot in
the face 50 times suckas

annoyomous on March 24, 2013 at 01:19

"it's always the last place you look" is a figure of speech stupid

maru on March 26, 2013 at 05:28

LOLOLOLOLOL the #5 is soooooooo funny !!!!!!!

Sylinxia on April 14, 2013 at 12:30

Or when people talk shit about you but they dont have to balls to say
it to your face

Elizabeth on April 28, 2013 at 03:25

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

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