How Some Indian Marriages Start

The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker working in New York.
The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and was given her number by his mother,
who is a friend of the Girl's aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in
Chicago. 
Monday night, 10 pm 
Girl: Hello? 
Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---? 
Girl: Speaking. 
Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am- (God, what if she
doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a complete idiot.) Hell, I already sound
like a complete idiot. I don't even know why I'm doing this!) 
Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right? 
Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a fucking relief. I wonder what
she was told - "He's a resident, tall, and fair, and he graduated from Ivy
League school!" God, she probably hates me already!) 
Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number. (I can't believe he
actually called!) 
Boy: So, how are you? Oh yeah, that's real original, but what the hell else I
am supposed to say- Umm, hi, I don't know you, but do you want to be
wife?) 
Girl: I'm fine. And you? (Ok, this is off to a great fucking start) 
Boy: I'm good. (Ok, think, think!) So, I heard you're an investment banker?
(Oh, that's a real winner. Now I can be a bad conversationalist and an
idiot!) 
Girl: Yes. 
Boy: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!) Where do you work? 
Girl: Merrill Lynch. 
Boy: Hey, that's a great firm! (I sound like a complete moron. I should just
hang up except my mother would somehow find out and kill me!) 
Girl: Yeah, it's a nice place to work. (God, this guy sounds like a complete
loser) 
Boy: So...(Stall ,stall!) 
Girl: So you're doing your residency in cardiology? (Like my mom didn't tell
me that 500 times already!) 
Boy: (Ok, I can handle this...) Yeah, I'm in my second year. (Alright, now
say something else, but what do I say? Do you drink and have sex? Cause if you
want to marry me, you can't be one of those goody goody South Asian girls who
think if they kiss a guy they've practically gone all the way) So, what do you
like to do in your free time? 
Girl: (Umm... get wasted...) Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to
movies. 
Boy: Where do you like to hang out in NY? 
Girl: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be some religious
freak! I can't say bars - I'll say clubs, you can go to clubs and not drink...)
Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there's a couple clubs that are good...
(That was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I'm not really into
them...) 
Boy: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that's a good sign. If she was really religious
she wouldn't do that.) Yeah? I like to dance also. 
Girl: (He likes to dance- that's a good sign. He can't be that stiff!) So
where do you hang out in Boston? 
Boy: (Should I say it- alright, I'll say it, what the hell!) Umm, the same,
bars, clubs, stuff like that. 
Girl: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I should explore this
further...) Are there any good bars in Boston? 
Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I'm not a huge drinker, but I
like having a good time. (Ok, that gives the impression of someone who enjoys
drinking but is not an alcoholic - pretty good, if I do say so myself!) 
Girl: (That sounds really positive. This guy sounds kind of cool. But if he's
so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn't he have a girlfriend? Or not need to
call random girls his mother tells him about? God, what if he's completely ugly?
Or has never been kissed?) Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find
out. 
Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. (I wonder if she's butt) 
Girl: (Ok, so he didn't freak out at the living a double life reference-
another good sign. I just wish I knew what he looked like...) So... 
Boy: (Or she could be really fat with a huge mustache. Well, there's only one
way to find out!) So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm visiting some
friends in NYC next weekend and I wonder if you'd want to get together for
coffee sometime. 
Girl: (Coffee. That's totally safe. If he's totally nasty I can have a quick
espresso and run like hell!) Yeah, that sounds great. 
Boy: (Alright that went pretty well. Coffee's pretty harmless. And who knows,
maybe she'll be cool. Now I have to get the hell out of this conversation...) So
I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and we can figure it
out? 
Girl: (E-mail is sooo much better than the phone. Thank God for e-mail!)
Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at work, so- (God, this is getting
painful) 
Boy: Alright, I'll e-mail you soon. (Meaning in two days cause I don't want
to look too desperate, but at the same time I don't want to look like I'm trying
not to look too desperate) 
Girl: Coo