There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly
forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the
husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes
to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she
would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that
he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything
could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was
just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she
tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was
nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to
"fart his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one
Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the
family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and of
course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought
occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With
a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and
quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake.
While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then
gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the
turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the
covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass
trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she
rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had
finally gotten even.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to
keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey,
you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would
end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally
happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em
all back in."