Date: Fri, 11 Aug 1995 17:11:35 EDT
Subject: Diary of an AOL user
july 18- i just tried to connect to america online, which I've heard is the
best online service I can get. i can't connect, i dont know what is wrong.
july 19- some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. i dont see why. hes just trying to cheat me. how dumb does he think
july 20- i bought the modem. i couldnt figure out where it goes. it wouldnt
fit in the moniter or the printer. im confused.
july 21- i finally got the modem in and hooked up. that three year old next
door did it for me.
july 22- that three year old kid next door hooked me up to america online
for me. hes so smart.
july 23- whats the internet? i thought i was on america online, not this
internet thingy. im confused.
july 24- the three year old kid next door showed me how to use this america
online stuff. he must be a genius, at least compared to me.
july 25- i tried to use chat today. i tried to talk into my computer but
nothing happened. maybe i need to buy a microphone.
july 26- i found this thingy called usenet. i got out of it because im
connected to america online, not usenet. i went to the doctor today for my
regular checkup. he says that since i connected to america online, my brain
has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.
july 27- these people in this usenet thingy keep using capital letters. how
do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. maybe
they have a different type of keyboard.
july 28- i found this thingy called the usenet oracle. it says that it can
answer any questions i ask it. i asked it 44 seperate questions about the
internet. i hope it responds soon.
july 29- i found a group called rec.humor. i decided to post this joke
about why the chicken crossed the road. to get to the other side! ha ha! i
wasn't sure if i posted it right so i posted it 56 more times.
july 30- i keep hearing about the world wide web. i didnt know spiders grew
july 31- the oracle responded to my questions today. geez, it was rude. i
was so angry that i posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d.
i wasn't sure if it posted right so i posted it 22 more times.
august 1- someone told me to read the faq. geez, they didn't have to use
august 2- i just read this post called make money fast. im so exited, im
going to make lots of money. i followed his instructions and posted it to
every newsgroup i could find.
august 3- i just made my signature file. its only 6 pages long, so i will
have to work on it some more.
august 4- i just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. i read a few posts
and i really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. i
wonder what an "aol" is, however.
august 5- i was asking where to find some information about something. some
guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. ive looked and looked, but i cant
find that group.
august 6- some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. i told
him i don't have an account at his bank. hes so dumb.