The Top 15 Florida Excuses for Holding Up the Election
by Chris White
15> Dangerous Metamucil shortage caused by misunderstood TV
reports of "many irregularities in Florida."
14> Booths in Cuba stay open until Fidel says it's time to close.
13> "Help! I've voted and I can't get up!"
12> "Give us 'Golden Girls: The Movie', and you'll get your damn
11> "Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! There are 'gators in the ballot box!!!"
10> Still waiting for Elian's absentee ballot to be "rescued" from
9> Jeb Bush can't decide whether to help his brother or pay him
back for a lifetime of noogies.
8> Payback for all those jokes about being "America's penis."
7> Jimmy Johnson hair fumes *still* addling voters.
6> Easy Bush victory disrupted by unfortunate large number of
5> Gore voters "confused" by ballot design need time to prepare
snappy answers to the question, "And you accused BUSH of being
3> Waiting for Walt's head to thaw so he can cast the deciding
2> Ballot inspectors are stuck behind blue-haired drivers going
20 MPH in the wrong lane with a turn signal constantly on.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Florida Excuse
for Holding Up the Election...
1> "Hush up, now! Matlock's on!!"