In new documents just revealed by the Justice Department, in addition to the controversial pardon of fugitive Marc Rich, former President Clinton also pardoned Adolph Hitler and Satan. With minutes to go before his term expired, Clinton signed an order to pardon himself.
Clinton's press liaison defended the pardons. "President Clinton reasoned it's time to put this whole 'World War' thing behind us.
"While Hitler did indeed have a few bad years, he's been a model of civility for the last 56 years. We think he deserves a second chance."
Clinton seemed to identify with Hitler. "There were forces constantly at work against him. I'm not condoning what he did, mind you, but I feel his pain. I know exactly what it's like to have the media of the world against you."
Clinton's pardon of Satan drew some right-wing Republican protests. Representative Dan Burton called upon Clinton to appear before Congress and explain the action. Burton believes there was a deal between the Prince of Darkness and Clinton to help build Clinton's Presidential Library in exchange for the pardon and Clinton's soul.
Democrats were quick to dismiss the charges. Senator Tom Daschle said, "These charges are bogus because President Clinton sold his soul to Satan years ago."
Just before he posed for pictures on Inauguration Day with the new president, Clinton signed a pardon forgiving himself "for any goddamned thing anyone wants to pin on me, for all eternity -- even things they've not found out about yet!"