News Of The Future

George W. Bush: Goofed at his inauguration by saying, "I'm tired of people treating the presidency like it's some kind of federal job." Created international incident when he called the Chinese prime minister Hop Sing. Defeated in 2004 by Democrat Warren Beatty.

Al Gore: Never did concede election. Went into seclusion in Tennessee, where he attempted to file patents on ATMs, Barbie and instant oatmeal. Wife Tipper eventually had him committed to a sanitarium. He spent final years ordering nurses at Pleasant Days Ahead to bomb Yugoslavia.

Joe Lieberman: Went back to U.S. Senate and continued campaign against Hollywood smut. Resigned after photos surfaced on the Internet depicting him in compromising positions with Dr. Laura.

Dick Cheney: Scared children at the 2001 White House Christmas party with his dark portrayal of Santa Claus. Wanted to declare war on Iraq again but nobody would let him. Grabbed his chest and keeled over when his daughter showed up at White House dinner with Ellen DeGeneres. President George W. Bush raised eyebrows at the funeral when he said, "It wasn't a heart attack, and I fully expect Dick to resume his duties as vice president later this week."

Warren Christopher: Distinguished life and career came to an untimely end when he fell asleep in a subway station. Mistaken for dead, he was cremated. Al Gore raised eyebrows at the funeral when he referred to Christopher as "my secretary of state" and credited him with inventing the United Nations. After delivering the eulogy, Gore stunned observers by grabbing wife Tipper for an open-mouth kiss.

James A. Baker III: As a reward for his loyalty, Baker was allowed to secretly run the country during the term of George W. Bush, a job he also held during the Reagan administration. After leaving politics, Baker became the new voice for Mr. Burns on "The Simpsons."

Jeb Bush: Bush loses his reelection bid to Green Party candidate Fidel Castro, blaming the defeat on a butterfly ballot used in Miami-Dade. Later was appointed U.S. attorney general by his big brother. Other department heads ruffled his hair and called him Bobby at Cabinet meetings.

Bill Clinton: Compromise proposal to remain president the rest of his life rejected. Allegedly pinched Laura Bush at inauguration. Divorced by wife Hillary. Spent final years as a broken man, running Po Boy Billy's BBQ stand in Arkansas.

Katherine Harris: Became a partner with Tammy Faye in developing line of beauty-care products called Sensuous Republican. Nominated as best supporting actress for her portrayal of the Borg Queen. Achieved lifelong ambition in 2028 when President Tom Feeney appointed her as ambassador to Chad.

Chief Justice Charles Wells: Florida Supreme Court jurist left bench to star in WB courtroom show: "Judge Chuck!" Issued landmark ruling in 2005 that said a wife who has a sex-change operation and sleeps with her husband's sister is not entitled to alimony. Ruling was overturned by U.S. Supreme Court.