GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
The White House, USA
RESUME:



PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for Congress and lost.

I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas;
company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal
that took land using taxpayer money.
Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.



ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies
and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in
America.
Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.
Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes,
with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.



ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12
month period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal
record.

I am the first president in office to set the all-time record
for most days on vacation in their first year by any president in US
history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation,
I presided over the worst security failure in US history (9-11).

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other
president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any
president in US history.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions
than any president in US history.

I set the record for the least amount of press conferences
than any president since the advent of television.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the U.S. Constitution
than any president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history
and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history
and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for
most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest
me
(15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any
person in the history of mankind (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches ).

I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US
history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US
history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history.
(The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil
tanker named after her).

I am the first president in US history
to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market
in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to
order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation,
and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world
community.

I created the largest gov't dept. bureaucracy in the history of the US.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases,
more than any president in US history.

I am the first president in US history
to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights
commission.

I am the first president in US history
to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring
board.

I removed more checks and balances,
and have the least amount of congressional oversight
than any presidential administration in US history.

I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war
and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first president in US history
to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US
elections).

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor,
who is also one of my best friends,
presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world
history
(Kenneth Lay, former CEO of ENRON Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US
history.

I am the first president
to run and hide when the US came under attack
(and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.

I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 9-11,
and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the
world
(possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

I, with a policy of 'disengagement',
created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30
years.

I am the first US president in history
to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency
as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I am the first US president in history
to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US
than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded gov't
contracts.

I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law
by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government
contracts.

I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'Dead or Alive'.

I failed to capture the Anthrax killer
who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the US Capitol
building.
After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 9-11 attacks
I have successfully prevented any public investigation
into the biggest security failure in the history of the US (9-11).

I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans
than any other president in US history. (The Patriot Act)

In a little over two years I created the most divided country in
decades,
possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the Civil War.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US history
and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading
straight down.



RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for Drunk Driving in Maine
(Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

I was AWOL from The National Guard and deserted the military during a
time of war.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug
use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas
have been spirited away to my fathers library,
sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public review.




For personal references,
please speak to my Daddy or Uncle, James Baker
(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for
war-profiteering.)