The Parrot

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't
have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood
what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and
thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch
without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you
asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden
bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?" "Of
course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable
competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should
buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody
wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make
an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and
the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal,
he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is
delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and
motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about
your wife and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife
greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began
petting her all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick
her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down."
The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"I don't know," says the Parrot, "I got a hard-on and I fell off my perch."