You Might Be Persian

You refer to yourself as a Persian, not an Iranian.

You refer to every other Persian as a FOB.

You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.

You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or Mercedes.

You have a friend that designs websites.

You think Black Cats have talent.

Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.

You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.

You rap along to DMX in Farsi.

You own a fake Rolex, Omega, or TAG.

Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.

You think you're the first one to come up with Persian Mafia.

You know the Persian Mafia hand sign.

You rewind the movie Clueless to show your friends the Mafia part.

You have to explain to sefeeds that a visa is not a credit card.

Your refer to your dad's friends as Amoo!

You order hot tea at Chili's.

Your parents have a samovar.

You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.

You take dates out to chelo kabob.

You have a Persian rug in every room.

You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.

You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.

You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.

You only wear Adidas athletic wear.

Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.

You refer to your group as Khodemuni.

You name your pet Versace.

Your parents say you're becoming Americanized anytime you get into trouble.

You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.

You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.

You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi

You have sudden and strange cravings for "doogh"

You wonder whether a cute girl is Persian and go up to ask her just to start a conversation

You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their shoes when they enter your house

You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your house

You take Persian food to school or work to eat, even if it is cold kabob

You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.

You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are the same thing.

You have Thanksgiving dinner with rice and "khoresht." (STEW)

After a family meal, the women fight to the death over who should wash the dishes while the men sit on their behinds and play cards, waiting for their tea.

You walk down Wilshire Blvd in LA and you are trying to eavesdrop on others' Farsi conversations.

Within five minutes after you leave a party your parents are talking shit about all the people who they were just "ruboosy"ing while you are listening idly in the back seat of the car.

Your parents want you to become a doctor or a computer programmer.

Your dad tells you daily, "Donyayeh ayandeh, donya yeh computereh" ("The world of the future, is the the world of computers.")

You're proud to be Persian - and you pass these jokes on to all your Persian friends!

--

You Know You Are Persian If...

82. You land in your new country with the attitude that they owe you
something.
81. Your cologne precedes you into the room/car.
80. You refer to yourself as a Persian, not an Iranian.
79. You refer to every other Persian as a FOB.
78. You have a fear of being deported.
77. You refuse to drive anything but a BMW or Mercedes.
76. You refer to a BMW as a BMV.
75. You're always on the verge of trading in your Honda/Nissan for a Beamer or
Mercedes.
74. You have a friend that designs websites.
73. You think Black Cats have talent.
72. You only hang out in droves of 12 or more.
71. Your wardrobe consists of black, black, and more black.
70. You think your uni-brow is sexy.
69. You celebrate when you receive your citizenship.
68. You're sister is harrier than you.
67. You wish Waffle House had "kaleh pache" on the menu.
66. You and your brother share girls.
65. You'll sleep with 1,000 blondes but you'll never marry one.
64. You trim your chest hair with clippers and then move down south too!
63. You rap along to DMX in Farsi.
62. You refer to blacks as sousques.
61. Your hair is a fire hazard.
60. You dream about girls in Iran taking it in the ass to keep their
virginity.
59. You own a fake Rolex, Omega, or TAG.
58. Your Armani pants don't fit you, but you wear them anyways.
57. You think you're the first one to come up with Persian Mafia.
56. You know the Persian Mafia hand sign.
55. You rewind the movie Clueless to show your friends the Mafia part.
54. You tell people your half Italian.
53. You find cow tongue appetizing.
52. You have convinced yourself that your eyes are really green or blue.
51. You know Ali.
50. You have to explain to sefeeds that a visa is not a credit card.
49. You listen to rap but talk shit about black people.
48. Your refer to your dads friends as Amoo!
47. You order hot tea at Chili's.
46. Your parents have a samovar.
45. You have a houka as a centerpiece in your living room.
44. You take dates out to chelo kabob.
43. You have a persian rug in every room.
42. You have an endless supply of pistachios, dates, and figs.
41. You go to persian concerts for the falloudeh.
40. You actually like carbonated yogurt drinks.
39. You've ever been in a fight because someone called you a camel jockey.
38. You always taroff about who will pay.
37. You either tip 2% or 50% but never 15%.
36. You know how to flash your wallet and then put it back without paying.
35. You only wear Adidas athletic wear.
34. Your cell phone has a stupid-ass ring.
33. Your grandmother insists you eat something every time you visit her.
32. You refer to your group as Khodemuni.
31. You're intramural team consists of all persians and that one white guy.
30. You name your pet Versace.
29. You can get a hook-up almost anywhere you go.
28. You have ever participated in tax evasion.
27. You like Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin"
26. You'll listen to anything but country music.
25. Your parents say your becoming americanized anytime you get into trouble.
24. You know Samad is funnier than Jim Carrey.
23. You're parents have been here for 20 years but they still say "I like dat
von".
22. You get mad when you see a persian girl with a sefeed because you your kir
is bigger.
21. You say things like "It's all about being persian!"--what?!?
20. All your jokes are targeted towards Afghans and Turks
19. You hug and kiss relatives you have never seen before in your life.
18. Brag to everyone how you are from the true "Aryan" race
17. You curse at your teachers or strangers in Farsi
16. You have sudden and strange cravings for "doogh"
15. You drink so much chayee your piss is brown
14. You wonder whether a cute girl is Persian and go up to ask her just to
start a conversation
13. You wear a gold "Allah" necklace or have a Quran in your house even though
you are not Muslim
12. You have to constantly remind your American friends to take off their
shoes when they enter your house
11. You know all the local Persian restaurants within a 30 mile radius of your
house
10. You take Persian food to school or work to eat, even if it is cold kabob
9. Your wardrobe consists of two colors: black and grey.
8. You flip out when someone mistakes you for a Mexican or Indian.
7. The last three cars you owned were either Lexus, Mercedes, or BMW.
6. You have to explain to all your friends that being Persian and Iranian are
the same thing.
5. You try to get hooked up with a discount when the owner of a shop is
Persian.
4. You own a Persian pride hat, shirt, or an Iran jersey so everyone knows you
are Persian.
3. You are hairy and damn proud of it.
2. Your vocabulary when talking to your Persian friends only consists of foul
words starting with k...
1. Your AOL screen name is or contains a persian word.






* If your mother messes up your marriage.

* If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer

* If you talk behind your wife with your mother.

* If you dress up to go to grocery store.

* If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the hallways
* with your drink and check out girls.

* If you never wear your wedding ring.

* If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.

* If you pronounce "Sure", SHOOR

* If your favorite drink is Vodka.

* If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.

* If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.

* If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.

* If you call gas station, gas eestasion.

* If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.

* If you claim you are Italian.

* If you divorce your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.

* If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.

* If you used to be a brain surgeon in Iran but now you work in a chelokabab
* (Persian restaurant) in New York or London.

* If you carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phones and no one ever calls you.

* If you claim your dad was a very good friend of the SHAH.

* If you don't own a house and have no job but still can afford a BMW.

* If you have to shave more than once a day.

* If you were a 4 star general in Iran and now drive a cab in Washington D.C.

* If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.