Why won't a shark attack a lawyer swimming in the ocean? Professional courtesy.
Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and New York all the lawyers?
New Jersey had first pick....
You are in a room with a mass murderer, a terrorist and a lawyer.
You have a gun with only two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice....
What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline....
How do you tell if a lawyer is actually dead? Hold out your wallet.
(but don't be fooled...
Did you hear about the lion walking through the woods eating deer droppings?
He had just eaten a lawyer and was trying to get the taste out of his mouth!...
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish....
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.