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Stupid Criminal # 1

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.

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Stupid Criminal # 2

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed
it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of
cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute
recess to compose himself.

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Stupid Criminal # 3

Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that
Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying,
and then said, "I should have blown your head off." The defendant
paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The
jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year
sentence.

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Stupid Criminal # 4

Detroit - R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked
him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they
entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan
because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two
year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

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Stupid Criminal # 5

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he
refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over,
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in
the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

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Stupid Criminal # 6

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

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Stupid Criminal # 7

San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this
bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the
Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a
few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She
read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the
brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his
stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip
and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who
arrested the man a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at
Bank of America.

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Stupid Criminal # 8

RUNNER-UP #5 From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40
Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of40 Pounds. In response, he received a letter
from the police that contained another picture - of handcuffs. The
motorist then promptly sent the money for the fine.

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Stupid Criminal # 9

A Charlotte, NC, man, having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive cigars, insured them against fire (among other things.)
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and
without even having made his first premium payment on the policy, the
man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man
stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance
company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had
consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued and won. In
delivering the ruling the judge, agreeing that the claim was frivolous,
stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also
guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it
considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the
claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the
insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the
rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the check,
however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his
own insurance claim and using his testimony against him, the man was
convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced
to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

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