The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs

The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs

exerpt from J.F.Garner's book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories."


Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect
and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were
indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built
a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay,
and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they
were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to
live in peace and self-determination.

But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf
with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both
the physical nad ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran
into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the
door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs
defending their homes and culture."

But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny.
So he huffed and he puffed and he blew down the house of straw. The
frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit.
Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and
started a banana plantation. At the house of sticks, the wolf again
banged on the door and shouted,

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

The pigs shouted, "Go to hell, you carnivourous, imperialistic oppressor!"

At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself:
"They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go,
but progress cannot be stopped."

So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.
The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.
Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo
resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass
reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops,
snorkeling, and dolphin shows.

At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"

This time in respnse, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote
letters of protest to the United Nations.

By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation
from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and he puffed, and huffed
and puffed, the grabbed his chest and fell over dead of a massive heart
attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.

The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little
dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate
their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been
forced off their lands. Their new brigade of porcinistas attacked the
resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the
cruel wolf opressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere
not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model
socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and
affordable housing for everyone.


Please Note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No
actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.