1. The world's best chess players were at a tournament. They hung
out in the hallway, bragging to each other about their recent
victories. Suddenly, the hotel manager told them to leave. When asked
why, he replied: "I hate chess nuts boasting by an open foyer."
2. A city in Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs. It became known
as Dogless Fairbanks.
3. Which famous golfer loves to drink wine? Litre Vino.
4. A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The
doctor says, "Try a milk bath". So the guy goes to the grocery store
and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The
dairy guys ask "You want that pasteurized?" "Nah", the man replied
"Up to my chin should do it."
5. What's the difference between an angry circus owner and a Roman
barber? One is a raving showman, and the other is a shaving Roman.
6. In ancient Rome, deli workers were told that they could eat
anything they wanted during the lunch hour. Anything, that is except
the smoked salmon. Thus were created the world's first anti-lox
7. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned.
8. Why did the maharishi refuse novocaine when he had his tooth
pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
9. Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a
fast-food seafood restaurant? One was the fish friar, the other was
the chip monk.
10. A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate
who used very foul language. As the clone cursed and swore, the
scientist finally pushed it out the window, and it fell to its death.
Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
11. What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in
France? Linoleum blownapart.