Twenty Words That Should Exist
1. ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and
refold a road map at the same time.
2. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
3. AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of
drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the
drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting
her(him)self in the eye (or ear).
4. BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more
torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
5. BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around
picking up display phones and listening for dial tones even when
they know the phones are not connected.
6. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.
7. DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store
by asking, "Do you work here?"
8. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
`remove' all the germs.
9. ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be
seen in the rearview mirror.
10. EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of
you at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow
11. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering
for one armrest in a movie theater.
12. ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that
the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
13. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
14. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
to the `illegal' side.
15. NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling
to come to life.
16. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose
sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want
17. PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to
undress in front of a household pet.
18. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
19. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a
dog presses its nose to it.
20. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.