Language Barriers

HomeFunplexLanguage and English

Language Barriers

Since the "Cold War" was over, a squadron of Russian pilots
were invited to participate in tactical war games at a US Air
Force base. A gala dinner was planned by the Base Commander.

Thinking to relax the guests, he offered a WW II toast to
open the meal. Smiling, he lifted his glass and said, "Eat,
drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may die." in Russian.

The Russian pilots became very quiet and they hardly ate;
most left quite early. Thinking they didn't care for the food,
the Commander asked a Russian pilot what went wrong.

"Well, comrade commander," he said, "I thought it was going
well until your toast. I don't know what you were meaning to
say, but what came out was 'Feast, drink and make happy, for
tomorrow we will kill you'."

- - - - -

A middle aged American, his face drawn in moderate anguish,
came charging down the Berlin banquet hall corridor, and saw
another American. He took him by the shoulder and gasped, "For
Heaven's sake, I gotta go to the bathroom. Tell me quick, am I
a Damen or a Harren ?"

- - - - -

A Cuban was in a Miami classroom reading from a Hans Christian
Anderson book. "Teacher ?" asked the little girl, "Please, does
m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage ?"

"No my child." sighed the teacher, "But it should... it should."

- - - - -

A high ranking official from the Clinton Administration was
invited to speak at a banquet tendered by the Don Q Rum Corp.
in Puerto Rico. The man delivered his speech nobly, but for
one fatal flaw. He persisted in referring to his hosts as the
"makers of that wonderful Bacardi rum".

Every time he mentioned the competing name "Bacardi", an
official from Don Q would jump up and correct him saying, "Don
Q, senor, Don Q !"

The smiling aide would answer, "You're welcome".

More Language and English

  1. [page] A Prayer For Sid Klein
  2. [page] A Pronunciation Exercise
  3. [page] American English Vs The Real McCoy
  4. [page] Apostrophe
  5. [page] Ask Mr Language Person
  6. [page] B O O K Tm
  7. [page] Book Potatos
  8. [page] Bookstores
  9. [page] Buzz Word Synthesizer
  10. [page] Correct Definitions
  11. [page] Dave Barry On Grammar
  12. [page] Double Positive
  13. [page] Doublespeak
  14. [page] Down With Plain English
  15. [page] End Of The World Headlines
  16. [page] Gender Grammar
  17. [page] Grammar Police
  18. [page] Grammar And Spelling Troubles
  19. [page] Green Eggs And Hamlet
  20. [page] Had Had Had Had Had Had Had A Riddle
  21. [page] Hamlet Was Really A College Student: The Literary Evidence
  22. [page] Hemingway Sightings
  23. [page] How To Address A Politically-Correct, Non-Sexist Business Letter
  24. [page] How To Phrase It
  25. [page] How To Talk To People
  26. [page] Important Vocabulary
  27. [page] It Is Fundamentally True That The Terms Below Are In English
  28. [page] Jabberwocky After A Trial By Spell Checker
  29. [page] Journalists And The Stock Market
  30. [page] Language Barriers
  31. [page] Language Trends Of The Future
  32. [page] Medieval Vs Modern English
  33. [page] New Definitions
  34. [page] Only
  35. [page] Only Dweebs Read Books!!
  36. [page] Oops!! Coca Cola Typo!!
  37. [page] Opposites
  38. [page] Oxymorons
  39. [page] PC Little Red Riding Hood
  40. [page] Plurals
  41. [page] Poem About A Spell Checker
  42. [page] Porpoises
  43. [page] Pun-ny
  44. [page] Regional Humor Page
  45. [page] Roses Are Red
  46. [page] Shakespearian Insult Kit
  47. [page] Shakespearian Insults
  48. [page] Simian Shakespeare
  49. [page] Sniglets
  50. [page] Stop That Bulletin!!
  51. [page] Tandem Story
  52. [page] Taters
  53. [page] The Duel
  54. [page] The History Of The English Language
  55. [page] The Importance Of Correct Punctuation
  56. [page] The Pluperfect Virus
  57. [page] The Ten Commandments In Ebonics
  58. [page] The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs
  59. [page] The Top 16 Plays Shakespeare Chose Not To Publish
  60. [page] This Is The Title Of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times In The Story Itself
  61. [page] Verbose Mother Goose
  62. [page] Verbose Writing
  63. [page] Verbs Is Fun
  64. [page] Vowels To Bosnia
  65. [page] Worst Paragraph Winners