Stop That Bulletin!!

HomeFunplexLanguage and English

Stop that Bulletin!!

Church bulletins sometimes should never have seen the light of day. The
reason why is evident in this collection of church bulletin announcements
sent to us by the Rev. Stanley H. Connover of St. Louis Park, Minn.. He
came across the collection, unaccredited to any source, in a local nursing
home newsletter. So we can’t vouch that everything is as misannounced as
shown. But does it matter?

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
Church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

The Service will close with ‘Little Drop of Water’. One of the ladies will
start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the
new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please
come forward and get a piece of paper.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay
an egg on the altar.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they may
be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Bleser, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Delser.

Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All those wishing to become little mothers will please meet the minister
in his study.

More Language and English

  1. [page] A Prayer For Sid Klein
  2. [page] A Pronunciation Exercise
  3. [page] American English Vs The Real McCoy
  4. [page] Apostrophe
  5. [page] Ask Mr Language Person
  6. [page] B O O K Tm
  7. [page] Book Potatos
  8. [page] Bookstores
  9. [page] Buzz Word Synthesizer
  10. [page] Correct Definitions
  11. [page] Dave Barry On Grammar
  12. [page] Double Positive
  13. [page] Doublespeak
  14. [page] Down With Plain English
  15. [page] End Of The World Headlines
  16. [page] Gender Grammar
  17. [page] Grammar Police
  18. [page] Grammar And Spelling Troubles
  19. [page] Green Eggs And Hamlet
  20. [page] Had Had Had Had Had Had Had A Riddle
  21. [page] Hamlet Was Really A College Student: The Literary Evidence
  22. [page] Hemingway Sightings
  23. [page] How To Address A Politically-Correct, Non-Sexist Business Letter
  24. [page] How To Phrase It
  25. [page] How To Talk To People
  26. [page] Important Vocabulary
  27. [page] It Is Fundamentally True That The Terms Below Are In English
  28. [page] Jabberwocky After A Trial By Spell Checker
  29. [page] Journalists And The Stock Market
  30. [page] Language Barriers
  31. [page] Language Trends Of The Future
  32. [page] Medieval Vs Modern English
  33. [page] New Definitions
  34. [page] Only
  35. [page] Only Dweebs Read Books!!
  36. [page] Oops!! Coca Cola Typo!!
  37. [page] Opposites
  38. [page] Oxymorons
  39. [page] PC Little Red Riding Hood
  40. [page] Plurals
  41. [page] Poem About A Spell Checker
  42. [page] Porpoises
  43. [page] Pun-ny
  44. [page] Regional Humor Page
  45. [page] Roses Are Red
  46. [page] Shakespearian Insult Kit
  47. [page] Shakespearian Insults
  48. [page] Simian Shakespeare
  49. [page] Sniglets
  50. [page] Stop That Bulletin!!
  51. [page] Tandem Story
  52. [page] Taters
  53. [page] The Duel
  54. [page] The History Of The English Language
  55. [page] The Importance Of Correct Punctuation
  56. [page] The Pluperfect Virus
  57. [page] The Ten Commandments In Ebonics
  58. [page] The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs
  59. [page] The Top 16 Plays Shakespeare Chose Not To Publish
  60. [page] This Is The Title Of This Story, Which Is Also Found Several Times In The Story Itself
  61. [page] Verbose Mother Goose
  62. [page] Verbose Writing
  63. [page] Verbs Is Fun
  64. [page] Vowels To Bosnia
  65. [page] Worst Paragraph Winners