Resume Tips


Resume Tips

Below are the typical areas of a resume and my priceless secrets for
dealing with them. These tips will help crush the competition, get you in
the door and put you behind a desk making 50 big ones, plus bonus.


Use the name to your advantage. Spice it up a little bit. Steve Smith goes
nowhere fast. But Sir Stephen Smith--now that might turn a few heads.
Nicknames also help. Mark "Keyboards" O'Malley is good. Mark "Kegsucker"
O'Malley is bad.


Forget your real address. Make a statement instead! Saying you're from the
Bronx suggests you're tough as nails. Anyplace in Japan implies you believe
in an 18-hour-a-day work ethic!


Skip it. What are the odds they'll call--1,000 to 1. If they do, they'll
probably just catch your roommate somewhere in the middle of his second
six-pack. My advice is never put your phone number on a resume unless you
want to try some interesting 900 number which might wake up a recruiter or


Forget the ambition statement. You know what I mean: "Seeking a
challenging IS position using state-of-theart technology in a high-growth,
future-oriented corporation that is doing neat things for the environment."
A better idea is to tell them what you're NOT seeking. "Not seeking a job
where I'm paying my dues for eight years, maintaining ancient Cobol code
that crashes every other night, slaving for some horrible boss and
groveling in the smallest cubicle in the world until I finally claw my way
into a lower management position, only to have the company lay off 40% of
its work force so that I wind up in some noncritical, low-paying, dead-end,
back-office position."


Don't be afraid of Yalies and PH.D.s. Be proud of where you go to school
and play it straight. But just to be on the safe side, send an application
to some prestigious high-tech program at a prestigious school. Until they
respond, you're not lying if you list under your education credits: "B.A.
in Watersports Administration, Massatucky State, 1993...and current
doctoral candidate, Nuclear Computer Simulation Modeling Fellowship
Program, MIT."


Even fresh out of school, you've got to have experience. But don't
mention that you've invested in your own relational database or coded an
object-oriented commodity trading system....Everybody's done that stuff.
I'm talking about hands-on experience: high-level management, microchip
design, hostile takeovers, etc. So if you're a little light in the
experience area, don't tell lies. Instead, simply try a bit-more-concise
explanation of the experience you do have. For example, if you worked as a
cashier at Food Giant, make it, "Monitored and troubleshot retail
point-of-sale bar-code inventory scanning system." "Conducted usability
testing for graphical user interface" sounds a lot better than "played too
much Nintendo." But don't try "Evaluated remote-accessed
continuous-availability multimedia environment." Most employers can pick
that one off as watching too much MTV.


"References furnished upon request"? What kind of power-close is that? Let
me leave you instead with this recommendation: Close with impact. Close
with passion. Close with a line they'll remember, like "Please, please give
me a job. And by the way, I know where you live."

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  3. [page] ATM Fees
  4. [page] A Helpdesk Log
  5. [page] Accountant Anthropology
  6. [page] Administratum: A Chemical Analysis
  7. [page] Are You Qualified To Be A Professional?
  8. [page] Business Travel Policy Guidelines
  9. [page] Businessman
  10. [page] CEO In Action
  11. [page] CV Mistakes
  12. [picture] Calling In Sick
  13. [page] Career In Law Enforcement
  14. [page] Casual Day Memos
  15. [picture] Casual Day At Work
  16. [picture] Checking Your Desk
  17. [picture] Coke And Pepsi
  18. [page] Commuting For Beginners
  19. [page] Company Policies
  20. [picture] Complain 001
  21. [picture] Complain 002
  22. [picture] Complain 003
  23. [picture] Complain 004
  24. [picture] Complain 005
  25. [page] Computer Engineer
  26. [page] Consultant
  27. [page] Corporate Astrology
  28. [page] Corporate Envelope Solution
  29. [page] Corporate Lessons
  30. [page] Corporate Philanthropy-Misanthropy Ratio Holding Steady
  31. [page] Dear Bank Manager,
  32. [page] Dentist
  33. [page] Diary Of A Federal Employee
  34. [page] Differences Between You And Your Boss
  35. [page] Dress As An IRS Agent For Halloween
  36. [page] Economic Theory Of Women
  37. [page] Engineer And Manager
  38. [page] Evolution Of Product Documentation
  39. [page] Fight Office Boredom!
  40. [page] First Men In Tights And Then Men In Ties
  41. [page] Generation X Office Lingo
  42. [page] Get Email Notifications From NetMind When This Page Is Updated
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  44. [page] How I Made A Fortune
  45. [picture] How Rumours Start In The Office
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  47. [page] How To Enhance The Manager-Employee Relationship
  48. [page] How To Handle A Difficult Customer
  49. [page] How To Interpret A Job Advertisement
  50. [page] How To Interpret A Resume
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  53. [page] How To Recognize A Company Car
  54. [picture] How To Save Your Job
  55. [picture] How To Sleep At Work Without Being Caught
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  57. [page] Human Resource Guidebook
  58. [page] ID Ten T
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  60. [page] Interview Tips
  61. [page] Job Application
  62. [page] Job Application Question
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  64. [page] Lawyers Never Ask A Witness
  65. [page] Lawyers Stupid Question
  66. [page] Letter Of Recommendation
  67. [page] Management Definitions
  68. [page] Management Theory
  69. [page] Managing Director
  70. [page] Marketing
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  73. [page] Money
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  75. [page] Net Snoop
  76. [page] New Company Policy
  77. [page] Occupational Descriptions
  78. [picture] Office Life
  79. [picture] Organization Chart Birds Version
  80. [page] Organizational Theory -- Corporate Rowing
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  82. [page] Pilot
  83. [picture] Positions And Their Responsibilities
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  87. [picture] Project Illustrated
  88. [page] Project Manager
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  108. [page] The Postman
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  112. [page] The Worst Job
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  117. [page] True Stories Of The Doctors
  118. [page] Truth In Seminars
  119. [page] Understanding Engineers
  120. [page] Vision Problems At Work
  121. [page] Vocational Vacation Spots
  122. [page] Watch What You Ask For
  123. [page] Ways To Amuse Yourself During A Business Trip
  124. [picture] Why Arent You Working
  125. [page] Will Work For Food
  126. [picture] You Can Never Win