To: All Seminar Leaders
Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines
Please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy guidelines...
Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding Seminar Leaders on travel for official business. The purpose
of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.
If commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets
will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in
extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example,
a seminar is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by
traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel
Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.
Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all Seminar Leaders prior
to their departure on company business trips.
All Seminar Leaders are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends
while conducting seminars. If this is not possible, then cost-effective
alternatives should be exploited.
Public areas such as parks and parking lots can be used during periods of good weather. In inclement weather, bridges may provide temporary
Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It
should be noted that certain grocery chains, such as "General Nutrition
Centers," and "Piggly Wiggly" stores often provide free samples of promotional
items. Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner.
Leaders should also become familiar with, and exploit the use of
indigenous roots, berries and any other protein sources available at their
destination(s). If restaurants must be utilized, Leaders should seek
establishments offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be
especially valuable to Seminar Leaders during group lunches, as a single
plate can be used to feed one clever group.
Seminar Leaders are also encouraged to bring their own food while on
the road conducting seminars. Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beef-a-Roni can
be conveniently consumed at your leisure, without the unnecessary bother of
heating or other costly preparation.
Entertainment while on the road is discouraged. If such extravagances
are required for business reasons, the customer should be encouraged to
"pick up the tab." Such actions will save the company money and also
convince the customer that we are concerned about "spending his money on
providing a good product for him," not on useless overhead frivolities which
can drive up our prices.
Hospitality provided to our customers at our facility shall be tasteful,
yet cost-effective. In lieu of frivolous dinners, a picnic bench will be
placed in the parking lot complete with garden hose for liquid refreshments.
All Seminar Leaders are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in
our common effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has
already suggested that money could be raised during airport "layover" periods
which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, red
caps will be issued to all Seminar Leaders prior to departure so that they
may earn tips for helping other travellers with their luggage during such
periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to Seminar Leaders
so that sales may be made as time permits.