Miscellaneous Collections

Miscellaneous Collections

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I was drunk last night, crawled home across the lawn.
By accident I put the car key in the door lock. The house started up....
I was engaged to a contortionist... she broke it off.
I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame. -- Old Testament -- Job xxix, 15
I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food.
-- Rodney Dangerfield...
I was goin' Chopin', but I forgot my Lizst! Had to go Bach to get it.
I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, "Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long..." -- Steven Wrigh...
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I though
What the hell good would that do? -- Ronnie Shake...
I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.
-- Steven Wrigh...
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
-- Rita Rudne...
I was going to include an ethnic slur in here, but I couldn't figure out how to get you into this file.

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