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• I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?
  '. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• One time the police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Don't you know the speed limit is fifty-five miles an hour?
  I said, "Yeah, I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• I was driving down the street at 100 miles per hour for no reason.
  The police stopped me for speeding. They said, "Why were you going so fast?...
• I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
  I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out....
• Mrs. B: This year's topic is `Resolved: The national speed limit should be lowered to 55 miles per hour.
  ' Homer: 55? That's ridiculous! Sure, it'll save a few lives, but millions will be late!...
• Carl: Hey, Homer, are you sure it's OK to smoke Cuban cigars and gamble here now that your wife's a cop?
  Homer: Are you kidding? Being a cop husband is one mighty sweet deal!...
• Do you know back at the turn of the century how long it took to cross Manhattan on horse?
  What the average speed was? Seven miles an hour....
• Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train.
  Are you going sixty miles an hour, or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you are just sitting still?...