Miscellaneous Collections

Miscellaneous Collections

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If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? -- Charles Pierce
If you ever become a parent..can I have one of your puppies?
If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
-- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rule
First, calm down; second, come over and wash my ca...
If you ever get belted and see three fighters through a haze, go after the one in the middle.
That's what ruined me--I went after the two guys on the end. -- Max Bae...
If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do.
Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised....
If you ever have an accident, I hope you have on clean underwear.
You're driving a truck--right into another truck....
If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...

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