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Creative Answering Machine Messages
- As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality.
You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The...
- I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message,
name and number, I'll call you back when I am.....
- I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number,
I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person...
- I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine?
Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe...
- I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.
So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't...
- This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to.
I mean, do FOR you...
- Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine.
If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll...
- If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe...
- I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel.
Remember, be honest. This is for posterity...
- Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello,
this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone...
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