Related:

• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• This is an answerin' machine, this machine is designed to take full advantage of its numerous capabilities.
  Please say what you wanted to talk about and why did ya call me anyhow?...
• I hate these machines, as much as you. But try as we might, the cats just won't do.
  The scratches they cause, Holding the phone with their paws, Only leave us feeling lonely and blue....
• Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massage--my shoulders really could use it, and, what?
  You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn.......
• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
• A man approaches his best friend's wife one day when her husband is at the office.
  Will you have sex with me?" he asks. "No. My husband wouldn't approve....
• Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone.
  Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....