How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a
timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The
Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light
Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the
party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the
current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed
upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise
illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through
the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living
area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over
illumination being at the option of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between
the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but
not be limited to, the following steps:

The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation
at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other
means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a
counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said
grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every
possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain
the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed
upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties
stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to
perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be
held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement
is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil
(counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) throughout.

Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the
party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with
all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of
the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation
shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures
described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to
note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said
direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part
(Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons
authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of
illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front
(north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for
the party of the fifth part.