Taxi Driving In China

While riding a taxi, If you should ever get the notion to open the window and
stick your hand out, you will knock over the first bicyclist, where upon hitting
the ground will be run over by the second bicyclist.
If ever going from point A to point B, it is faster to drive on the wrong side
of the street, your taxi drive will.
While riding from point A to point B in a taxi, you will spend roughly 20% of
the time driving, 15% to beeping the horn, 40% to changing lanes, 15% driving on
the sidewalk, & 10% driving in the wrong lane.
U-turns, though dangerous are permitted in China; luckily taxi drivers will use
extra precautions, like waiting until rush hour traffic, and they will only
attempt u-turns in carefully selected places, like busy intersections.
A taxi driver will wiz by within 1 foot of a pedestrian, come within 6 inches of
a bicyclist, yet swerve violently 2 lanes to miss a pot hole.
Taxies have a auto-regulating temperature, whereby if a passenger opens a window
to cool off, the driver's hand will slowly move over to turn on the heater; Yet
if the passenger turns on the heater, the driver's hand will slowly open his
window.
Traffic jams are common, but Chinese drivers believe traffic jams can be cured
by the sonic harmony of every car's horn.
Foreigners need to be careful when speaking their native tongue, for some phrases translate irregularly.
For example,
1. When speaking to a taxi driver..."Verooom please hurry" translates
to ..."Please go through every red light, and get real close to that
pedestrian."
2. "I speak English" translated by a taxi driver
means "Please take the long expensive route" Taxi companies only purchase luxury cars, whereby after the passenger is in,
there remains a spacious 1 cubic foot to put his luggage. 
In any taxi the handle for the Turn signal will be pristine and untouched, yet
the horn will be worn down to the nub. Taxi drivers have many options when changing lanes, after they change lanes
they can either...
A. Look in their rear view to see if
they cut anyone off, or
B. Listen for the other driver's horn.
By Robert Brownell