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If it isn't original, it isn't sin.
If it isn't PC why does Jane Fonda keep doing the "tomahawk chop"?
If it isn't Scottish...it's CRRRRRAP!
If it isn't true, at least it is a happy invention.
If it isn't what you thought it was, it is likely not going to be what you think you are going to make it be.
If it isn't written down - It didn't happen.
If it is so simple that it could not baffle even a fool, you will be completely fooled and totally baffled.
After all, you are a Zerro reader!...
If it is still moving, don't try to eat it, and if it looks like it might try to move, don't try to revive it.
If it is the only survivor of a dead race, to kill it would be a crime against science.
-- Spock, "The Devil in the Dark," stardate 3196.1....
If it is to be, it is up to me.
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