You Know You Ve Joined A Cheap New HMO When


  • Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

  • The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

  • The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."

  • Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

  • "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

  • The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

  • With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them.

  • You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

  • Exam room has a tip jar.

  • You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.

  • The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.

  • Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

  • Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.

  • Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park,"

  • 24-hour pre-authorization line is 1-800-GUD-LUCK.

  • Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward.
  • More Medical

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    4. [page] 90 Year Old And The Doctor
    5. [page] A Brief Visit To The Doctor
    6. [page] A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients
    7. [page] A Few New Doctors Remarks On Patient Charts
    8. [page] A Med Student S Guess
    9. [page] A Medical Funeral
    10. [page] A Short History Of Medicine
    11. [page] A Doctor Is Walking Down The Street And Sees
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    13. [page] Advice For Pre-meds
    14. [page] All Nurses Go To Heaven
    15. [page] Ask The Doctor
    16. [page] At The Baseball Game
    17. [page] Bandersnatch Liveforever
    18. [page] Cages Cancer Rats
    19. [page] Cheaper Than A Doctor
    20. [page] Cost Healthcare
    21. [page] Cost Saving Memo
    22. [page] Creative Medical Terms
    23. [page] Death Scandal
    24. [page] Dentist Visit
    25. [page] Doc-isms
    26. [page] Docs Out Hunting
    27. [page] Doctor Demented
    28. [page] Doctor Doctor
    29. [page] Doctor Doctor Gimme The News
    30. [page] Doctor Howards Bedside Manner
    31. [page] Doctor Says I Have A Nice
    32. [page] Doctors Appointment
    33. [page] Doctors Magic Finger
    34. [page] Doctors Nurses Lightbulbs
    35. [page] Doctors Orders
    36. [page] Don T Anger The Nurse
    37. [page] Dr Doctor
    38. [page] EMS FAQs
    39. [page] ER Tales
    40. [page] Emergency Department Ping Pong
    41. [page] Ethical Patient Behavior
    42. [page] Experimental Pills
    43. [page] Flu Strong Enough Hercules
    44. [page] Gingko Viagra
    45. [page] Graduate Nurses Versus Experienced Nurses
    46. [page] HMO CEO
    47. [page] HMO Friendship
    48. [page] HMO Music
    49. [page] HMO No Docs
    50. [page] He Is Not That Sick
    51. [page] Heart Attack
    52. [page] Heaven Hmo
    53. [page] History Of Voices In Your Head
    54. [page] Hospital Memo
    55. [page] Hospitals Minijokes
    56. [page] Hotline
    57. [page] Hungry Baby
    58. [page] Is It Serious
    59. [page] Kemosabe Waters The Bushes
    60. [page] Kids Play Doctor
    61. [page] Life In Hypochondria
    62. [page] Looking For A Cure For Cancer
    63. [page] Marketing Slogans For Viagra
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    65. [page] Media Opinions
    66. [page] Medical Breakthrough
    67. [page] Medical Report Blunders
    68. [page] Medical Specialists
    69. [page] Medical Surgical
    70. [page] Medical Truths
    71. [page] Mental Illness Of The Month Club
    72. [page] More Drugs In Development
    73. [page] Murphys Law Of EMS
    74. [page] New Drug Names
    75. [page] Not What The Doctor Ordered
    76. [page] Nurse Doctor Doctor Nurse
    77. [page] Obsession
    78. [page] Old Habits Die Hard
    79. [page] Old Wives Tales
    80. [page] Overheard At Medieval Medical School
    81. [page] Oy Of HMOs
    82. [page] Patient
    83. [page] Phobialist
    84. [page] Playing Doctor
    85. [page] Preparing For Your Hospital Experience
    86. [page] Psych Cure Oops
    87. [page] Psych Discussion
    88. [page] Psychiatric Medicine Still Dunno Causes
    89. [page] Psychiatrist Mom
    90. [page] Psychological Tests
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    98. [page] Smoke Sign
    99. [page] Smoking1000
    100. [page] South African Hospital
    101. [page] Such A Dilemma
    102. [page] The Dangers Of A Hot Bath
    103. [page] The Doctor
    104. [page] The Doctors Convention
    105. [page] The Doctors Little Voice
    106. [page] The Rules Of EMS
    107. [page] Things You Don T Want To Hear During Surgery
    108. [page] Think Of It This Way
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    111. [page] Three Surgeons
    112. [page] Tombstones Ins Hypo
    113. [page] Top 10 Signs You Need A New HMO
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    115. [page] Viruses Coming To Town
    116. [page] Welcome To The Psychiatric Hotline
    117. [page] What Doctors Say
    118. [page] While At Dentists Nytimes
    119. [page] Woman Begs Doctor
    120. [page] You Know You Ve Joined A Cheap New HMO When
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    122. [page] You Might Be In The Health Care Field If
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