You've got enough Prozac in your purse to tranquilize King Kong.
You really lose it whenever someone says, "Good morning."
You spend more time in bed than a hooker at a Shriners convention.
You keep your house so dark that mushrooms are growing in the carpet.
Given a choice, you'd have no preference between sex or a root canal.
On a really bad day, you wouldn't come to the door if it was Publishers Clearing House.
You list Dr. Kevorkian as a character reference.
Alcohol gives you strength and food settles your nerves.
Your hands shake so badly that you can brush your teeth without any voluntary movement.